trying to be mary in a martha world...

can't sleep

2009-02-09T10:50:00.001-08:00

Hi! It's been a while since I've written on this little place in cyberspace.

I'm still in Taiwan, and it's been an interesting ride thus far.

But right now, it's 2:50 am, and I can't sleep, and i attribute this to the thought of certain people and their spiritual conditions...for which i am deeply concerned.

seeing as how anyone can access this site, i am not going to say as to who these people are, but these are people that i have known a long time and have been seeing on a regular basis (no, it's not my own family).

In my younger years, i did not know them very well, but nowadays, i'm able to spend more time with them.

Knowing that they have attended church for practically their entire lives has led me to believe that they would be a great source of spiritual encouragement for me. At first I was quite excited that I would be able to spend more time with them since they were so good to me when i was younger.

but the truth was so far from my expectations....

I have to say that I've never been so discouraged and disappointed in my life. i'm serious. i'm not easily disppointed, but this one has really done it.

Every time i see them i see evidence of their love affair with the world. their concerns lie in materialism. they wouldn't admit to it, but it's true. all i hear about are stocks, 401K's, money, investments. and when the bible or religion is entered into the conversation it is either awkward or some sort of negative comment is mentioned, like "why do people at church always have meetings?" "churches shouldn't dabble too much in politics!" I remember telling them my call to missions and the fact that if a certain man does not have the same calling, i don't think i would be able to accept him as a potential mate. i could sense disappointment and worry in their eyes. i remember one of them was trying to tell me that i could still serve God by serving my husband if he were an engineer or businessman....while that's true, at this point in my life, God's more important than a husband right now, and if this man is anything like this person, i would reject him in a heartbeat. i also remember another one telling me that my parents should go to China to be missionaries because they'd be more successful there...when ministry has nothing to do with my parents' success. i don't see them serving in the church either.

every time i leave their house to go back to mine, i would stay up late that night just thinking about them and how depraved they are, but how helpless i am to show them the way. they're older than me, much older. one of them is older than my own parents. but sometimes, every part of me wants to yell at the top of my lungs "STOP!!! WHY ARE YOU LIVING LIKE THIS?!" every part of me wants to reprimand them. "GOD DOESN'T JUST WANT YOUR MONEY! GOD DOESN'T JUST WANT YOUR SUNDAY MORNINGS! HE WANTS YOU! YOU! YOU!"

but i can't. it's not my place. i wrote this on facebook couple weeks ago.

i'm starting to realize that i expect certain things out of people in relation to their background (who doesn't?). but when these people are VERY FAR from meeting those expectations, i get quite judgmental. why aren't they what i pictured them to be like? why don't they treasure this aspect of their life?

okay, i'm mainly talking about Christians, and i know that there's an amount of grace that goes along with it, but really, just how much grace do i give to someone who has gone to church for maybe his whole entire life and cares more about his job and money than the lost people who need Jesus? his childrens' grades and reputation than their own spiritual lives? people who seem to care more about the going ons of the world than living their life for eternity? who thinks serving in the church is a waste of time? who don't seem to strive for Christ-likeness?

and God reminds me....my grace is sufficient for you, and for them. they may not love me, but i do. they may not treasure me, but they are precious to me. they may be stubborn and want their way, but that's not your battle to fight, cindy. let me lead you. let me show you what it means to love others like i do.

I know my love for Jesus isn't perfect either. it's something i need to work on too.

and yet I'M STILL PRIDEFUL! yet i still judge them. yet i still want to yell at them in contempt and tell them that their wasting their lives away.

oh Lord teach me....

tales from taiwan

2008-07-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

i will be moving overseas to taiwan very very soon. not joining a missions organization just yet, but i figure that if i called to do missions there, it'd be best to live and understand the people there first. i'll be blogging elsewhere with my parents who are going to overseas theological seminary in san jose.

big changes are going on in my family. may God be glorified in all this.

http://thewufamilyblog.blogspot.com

devotions

2008-06-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

one thing i appreciate about my family is that they keep me more accountable about doing my devotions than anything else.

since taking up the role to coordinate vbs at my home church, the need to stay close to God has been imperative. but even then, even if i hadn't taken that position, it would still have been important.

i've learned that once you neglect the Word, slowly and slowly your relationship with the Father will be...almost non-existent. it would be as if you've never known Him. the more you neglect the relationship, the farther apart you seem.

the same thing happened with me and a friend. at first, we were practically siblings. we spent lots of time together. but then, for some reason, we just stopped talking. stopped hanging out with the same people. now it's gotten to the point where i can't remember when i last felt like we were truly friends. what happened? i have no clue.

and then i related this feeling to my relationship with God. i started to realize that the same feeling i had toward this friend, i had the same feeling with my God....how sad is that?

do i ever want my relationship with the One who save me to ever be this way?

never

spring 2008

2008-05-05T21:46:00.001-07:00

this semester was another hard one, but one filled with hope that God is faithful to bring His will to fruition. it's also the semester of change.

in a matter of months, i will be moving halfway across the world, and my parents will be moving to the other side of the united states. it will be the first time in history that the wu family will not be serving at dcbc and to be so far apart. but i anticipate God using this time that we're apart for His glory. i can't say that i have the gift of prophecy, but i can't help but feel that God has something great in store for my family.

how was this semester? it went well. i know that teaching 1st grade in american public school is not gift or calling. hahaha however, there's a chance for ESL. but the fact of the matter is, missions is still on my heart and using the training i've been given for the past 4 years as a means to develop relationships to advance the preaching of the gospel is what i feel called to do.

quite honestly, i guess once i made the decision to go to taiwan, i kinda slacked off. waking up to go to school everyday was a bother, and i was just counting down the weeks. ESL went very well. i had no problems there, but when i got to first grade, which i knew already was not my calling, that's when it became very difficult to be excited to go to school. i guess it was senioritis too. whatever it was, i wasn't being a good witness.

on top of that, the 1st grade kids i taught were hard to control. one girl in particular would come to my mind. she's smart, and if her home life were better, she'd be at the top of her class. however, her sister had to go to special programs for a couple of weeks for major behavior problems, and it's always impossible to get in touch with her mother. sometimes she'd have this look of pain on her face, but she'd never tell me or my mentor. and she always seems to cry for positive attention. whenever i ask her to go back to whatever she's supposed to be doing she always gives this emphatic no or gives this "hmph" and sits and totally ignores me. but then at other times, she pulls my hand and wants me to play with her. and there are probably 3-4 other kids in that class alone with home lives that make me feel so sad. the story of another kid and someone else's class almost brought me to tears...

but God has been faithful nonetheless.

i'm excited about taiwan. i was talking to a colleague yesterday, and she was telling how great it was having nothing else "tying me down." the circumstances could never be more perfect. God's really paved the way for me. not that i'm surprised or anything, but i'm very grateful for His sovereignty.

yet, it seems too perfect. i dont' know why i'm having such thoughts. i mean, i should go with no fear, but the thing is, i don't fear anything else. it feels weird not to be afraid of something. my fear is that i have no fears...that sounds silly, doesn't it? maybe it's something deeper, and i don't know it.

but whatever, it's what God's called me to do, and i will do it.

i'll be studying in taipei, and living with my grandma and uncle. i won't be joining a missions organization just yet as i want to spend some quality time with family and studying. i'll be writing on the blogosphere every now and then to testify to God's greatness. =D

soli deo gloria

community action

2008-01-10T12:40:00.001-08:00

one thing that has been on my heart is the church's involvement in the community.

as sad as it is, it's something that i don't really see in the Chinese ethnic church (at least the ones i know of here). the only support i see is merely monetary.

so at render, i asked, "how do we get the people in the Chinese church to be actively involved in the community?"

one pastor mentioned that people are just scared of interacting with such people. i also talked about this with several friends, and they seem to agree. in the chinese world, people don't really engage in random acts of kindness or giving help to strangers at not-so-random times even though they respect those who do.

i guess i have this burden because i see this especially where my mother works. now on hand, it's a bit selfish because my mother's work there is our only source of income now. on the other hand, if it weren't i can still see that they need lots of help. within the past 3 years that i've been there, the number of classes have dropped, and the number of people that work there and go there have dropped some (at least from what i've seen).

i'm glad that this community isn't a stand-alone one but rather one that has offices in other parts of the states as well. however, they're there to focus on their city they're in, but it's hard for me to see the progress.

so, if the people who should be serving in the community are scared because of interacting with strangers, how do we mobilize them to get involved?

i don't know

i'm still trying to figure this one out. God has given me a heart for the chinese community, and i hope to be effective for Him in it, but i don't know how to go about that quite yet.... that's a big reason why i feel that God is calling me to Taiwan to learn Chinese. that way, i can be more effective in communicating with them.

my He use me as He pleases.

render

2008-01-09T15:20:00.000-08:00

like i said, render* was the best retreat i've attended in my life...hands down.

what made render so great (aside from the fact that God's presence was evident and active) was the people. Everyone there, even though some have only met since the first day, was purposefully encouraging one another. Everyone was touched or blessed in some way. Even the mentors were thoroughly blessed.

also meeting people who have had experiences and have gone before you has helped a lot. i met a guy who had lived in taiwan for two years and hearing about his experiences and being educated on the process has help me tremendously in choosing whether or not to go do language study overseas.

If you've known me long enough, i have been very anxious about post-graduation. What am i going to do? will i teach in the public schools? will i go into linguistics? am i teaching right after graduation...am i going to teach at all? God's given me peace about it at render, and i see Him revealing His plan to me one step at a time (because quite frankly, that's all i can handle...well and everyone else for that matter). so, i'm now taking steps to study Chinese in Taiwan. May God bless the school and scholarship application process.

Another thing that was great was that i got to meet and get to know passionate Christians within one year of my age! this may be hard to believe for some, but i only know a handful of people within 1-2 years of my age that are truly passionate for the sake of the Gospel, but i don't come in constant contact with them b/c of various reasons (ie location, responsibilities elsewhere). This makes me wish that i had met them earlier in life, like in my high school days. I felt I was lacking in fellowship in youth group b/c not only did i always feel weird around my high school sm grp (for certain personal reasons) but mostly i felt weird because their passions in life differed from mine. but i'm so glad i know them now.

Granted I only knew and talked to these people for 3 days, but I know that through the bond we have in Jesus Christ, these are people that I will keep in touch with for the rest of my life.

I miss them already. If the fellowship we have in heaving is anything like the fellowship i had experienced at render, Lord, take me home!!

Yet there's a reason why we were put here on this earth: to love and be loved. the Father loves us and He wants those who have experience it to share it with others. The struggles and hardships are worth it. His love is extravagant; it's worth knowing and for others to know.

Coming back, so many of us, including myself, have faced some hardships. it's spiritual warfare. I feel myself creeping back into complacency. I promised myself and to God that i don't want to go back. I have friends who aren't getting along with their parents b/c of their decision to put "all on the altar." May God give us the strength to endure because that is all that can help us.

*for those who don't know, render is a tri-annual retreat that is very unique in that it is for asian-americans who are thinking of full-time ministry. every attendee has a mentor, and these mentors are people who have served in full-time ministry for quite a while and have a wealth of knowledge to aid those who attend. we had workshops, and some of the workshops included topics like balancing ministry and personal life, women in ministry, finding the right seminary, finding a significant partner, telling your parents...etc. we also had forums conducted by these ministers and pastors. we talked about the purpose of ethnic churches, myths of ministry, and we had the opportunity to ask questions as well. if you would like to know more about render email me at wusergomer(at)gmail(dot)com and i guess put "render" in the subject line.

God's faithfulness and sovereignty

2008-01-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

i just got back from a retreat, and it was by far the best retreat i've ever attended. i shall detail on it later, but i would like to share something God has been revealing in my heart.

i am so thankful for my parents. normally most chinese parents have this tendency to cringe at the thought of their children going into full-time ministry. my parents, on the other hand, are happy to hear such news. granted they say the cautious stuff like, "you better know if it's really God's calling," but they know that i am not merely their children but am God's

so, when it comes to trying to encouraging my friends that go through this struggle, i feel helpless. i don't know what to say. how on earth do i encourage someone that is going through a struggle that i've never encountered or anticipate to struggle with ever?

but that's the beauty of it.

i don't have to say ANYTHING. such things are in the control of the Spirit. none of it is in my hands, their hands, or even their parents' hands. my responsibility is to lift this up to the Father having full faith that the struggles of my friends will come to peace through His providence. my responsibility is to bring such things up in prayer and to support them in that way.

and it's not that there will be no one that can say something of encouragement. God will provide the people. it may not be me, but as long as there is someone who can give that encouragement through the graciousness of Christ, that's all that is important.

one individual can't provide the needs of the entire body. that's Christ's job.

and if you are one who struggles with following God's call while honoring your parents, hang in there! God's grace is sufficient, His faithfulness unfailing. Stay close to the Father, stay faithful, for true faithfulness and love withstands any trial.

fall 2007: a semester of grace

2007-12-05T05:52:00.000-08:00

it will be the semester that i will have very....not-so-fond memories of in terms of the hardships that i had, but it is where i recognize the infinite grace of God.

this semester has been the hardest in terms of....everything, not just academically. mostly academically, but with other things, it just heightened the stress of this semester. i had to go to the elementary school and fulfill my hours. i had to go to denton for school from 8-3. i work 10 hrs a week, and there's ministry as well

not really complaining. i put this upon myself, but i have found through all of this that this is too busy. i have been neglecting my God. this life is too busy for me, and for once in my life, i feel as if i can't do it. i've always been able to do what's been put in front of me, but this semester in particular it has been hard to get things done and done in the way that is satisfactory to me.

the fact that i have gotten through this entire semester alive and for me to expect all As this semester has floored me.

however what has made it hardest is not knowing what next semester and post graduation held. most of the girls in my class plan to get a job with the public school system, but as i have gone through this entire semester, my heart still lied with being overseas and still does. however, i don't see any opportunities so far. granted i know i have to research, but this semester has been way too much for me to be able to do any of that.

but God's peace reigns over me, and i am thankful for that.

halloween

2007-10-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

halloween is approaching, and i cannot help but remember a girl i lived with over the summer.

we had gotten into a conversation about her mother b/c her family was visiting, and all of the sudden she mentions that she used to be a stripper.

now the house i was living in at the time would only accept sisters in Christ to live, so i was very very curious about her conversion experience

she used to be a druid priestess. those rumors you hear about witches and such....she did it. while being involved in that, she worked as a stripper. but during that time, she wrestled with demons inside of her. she had a trouble sleeping.

she entered a church, i forgot for what reason, and she just got violent. people had to pin her down and cast out the spirit inside her. sometime during that time she accepted Christ as her personal Lord and Savior. because of this conversion she had to secretly escape from the druid community because her confession of faith in Christ would essentially be a betrayal to her contract as a druid priestess. if she ever went back, if i recall correctly, she would be killed. to this day she still has some fear lingering within her when it comes to such things.

encountering her has caused me to develop a sympathy for those who dibble and dabble in such dangerous stuff and those who try so hard to escape but can't because of the demons within them. so, in response, i ask us to pray for these. pray really hard. If God can bring my friend out, God can change the hearts of many.

penny for your thoughts

2007-10-10T05:40:00.000-07:00

What does it really mean to pray in God's will?

is it just praying for something and then slapping on a "if it's in Your will" at the end of it?

or is it more than just that?

and if it is....what does that look like?

2007-10-06T10:34:00.001-07:00

God has a funny way of making things obvious to you....

my prayer life is not really...existent. God provides a sunday school to me through that

i'm impatient and haughty. i'm insecure about the whereabouts of my future. he gives me a series of sermons to tell me that he's giving me the "silent treatment" to show me that i'm not as strong as i think i am, and to tell me i have to wait and trust him.

2007-09-30T14:49:00.001-07:00

God speaks in silence....

does he?

our pastor is doing a series on listening to God, and he mentioned that God speaks to us in many different ways. one of those ways is through silence.

i would've never thought that. i mean, how could God speak in silence?

lately, i have been wondering why i'm not hearing anything from Him in terms of my specific calling. or why i have been feeling spiritually dry.

and yet one thing i've noticed....it's b/c of this silence that i have sought more of Him. may continue on this path...

undying love

2007-09-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

on my way home, i decided to listen to grace to you with John MacArthur

his main topic was what the nature of faith was. he shared that through trials and temptations, God is not trying to make us prove our faith to Him, but rather our faith to ourselves, and that true saving faith would withstand any trial. he also shared that one of the things that characterizes our faith is our undying love for Him.

i have to say that my life is going well. i feel as though i have everything i need. nothing that i hold dear to has been taken away from me by force, and for some reason this leads me to feel God is going to do something just like that...something like denying me the opportunity to live and serve Him overseas longterm or taking away my family or taking away a dear friend. it feels like the "calm before the storm," if you will.

i'm still struggling with this. is this God's way of warning me that some life-altering, heart-breaking trial will come into my life? or is this Satan's way of saying "He gave you this desire to do this or this caring heart for your friends and family, but He's just going to take that away from you. why would He give you all these things only to take it away?"

i still don't know.

and yet after hearing MacArthur, i'm thinking to myself, no trial, no removal of all that i've ever cared for on earth should kill my faith in Christ or my undying love for Him.

so here is my prayer:

i have hopes, dreams, and desires, but if those hopes, dreams, and desires are not of you and will not come to fruition in my life, may i still bless your name

you have blessed me with a wonderful family who love you, but if you call them home, may i still bless your name

you have blessed me with great friends who will hold me accountable, but if you decide for them to no longer be in my life, may i still bless your name

because i love you

was that such a good idea?

2007-09-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

so, i heard that the korean hostages in afghanistan were released

good

they were released by a $20 million ransom from the korean government to the taliban

not good

why?

it's just increasing the violence! first, the taliban says that they'll use the money to buy more weapons, and then they also threatens to bomb the korean embassy if those missionaries don't leave the country!

i wonder how the missionaries feel about this...

honestly, i wouldn't want to leave the mission field on those terms...

2007-08-27T16:44:00.000-07:00

i've come to a realization...

feelings of loneliness due to singleness is not a sin, and trying to be fully content in such circumstances will not make one more spiritual

and

even being content in singleness doesn't make one more spiritual in comparison to those in a committed relationship (and by relationship, i mean a dating/courting one)

i guess it's something that i've been struggling with this past year. how can a Christ-follower be committed to God and yet need there to be a companion to fill this hole in their lonely hearts? i guess i've always considered these feelings of loneliness to be a sin in that people are looking towards other things to make themselves happy. not only that, but at times i have even felt that for those in a relationship, the relationship has a great potential, and that it actually does, draw a Christian away from being committed to Him. and i suppose it's also because i've always seen this loneliness to be congruent to dissatisfaction and complaint.

yet God has shown me that even in my singleness, there are many other things that can draw me away as well, and that this "dissatisfaction" is not necessarily the devil saying that you can only be happy if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend.

granted, yes, there are people that are lonely and only think that they'll ever be happy if God provides that one person for them. there are some that forget that God's grace is sufficient, and look around for that person instead of staying close to the Lord.

but i have noticed that there are those who are lonely, and yet they still are near to the Father. they still continue to seek His will despite those things.

just as Adam was lonely, God provided someone. The thing is that he had this loneliness before the fall. God did not consider his loneliness to be a sin. God understood the need for relationships. otherwise, He would have cursed him by then.

this is just something that i've thought about and wanted to share...

2007-08-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

so, another thing i learned is that God's grace is sufficient despite my insufficiencies.

today, i had that "i stand amazed in the presence" hymn stuck in my head, so i decided to go read up on it. then i looked up the author to read up on his life. i can't say that i found cyberhymnal's biography of his quite appealing, but i look over his works, and i found this hymn. oh man, i fell in love with the words..

Gladly the will of my Lord I obey;
He is my Keeper from day unto day;
He is my Guide and He knoweth the way
His grace is sufficient for me.

chorus:
His grace is sufficient for me,
His grace is sufficient for me;
Then why should I fear, with a Savior so dear?
His grace is sufficient for me.

Not over things of the world will I grieve;
All that He sends I will gladly receive,
Satisfied just to look up and believe,
His grace is sufficient for me.

Tho’ I may see but one step at a time,
As up the pathway to glory I climb,
Yet I believe in the promise divine,
His grace is sufficient for me.

Living, I’ll serve Him wherever I go,
E’en tho’ it be where the dark waters flow;
Dying, I’ll praise Him, for well I do know,
His grace is sufficient for me.

When I shall stand face to face with my King,
Still to the word of His promise I’ll cling,
And with the ransomed forever I’ll sing—
His grace is sufficient for me.

granted, i didn't fall in love with the melody line, but the words are sooooo what i needed...

weakness and waiting

2007-08-10T12:24:00.001-07:00

if i'm honest with myself, being weak and having to wait are two things i find especially galling. especially having to wait because not only is there the anxiousness that comes with waiting, it only heightens my feeling of weakness because it puts me in a place of uncertainty.

but sometimes that's where God puts you

if there's anything i learned while in east asia for two weeks is that trying to be self-sufficient and trying to run everything on your own are 2 things that will bring ruin. God has shown me that in more ways than one.

i'm one who always tries to look strong and independent when in fact, without my dependence on the Father, i'm one useless block of mud.

and then, there's a difference between realizing my weakness, and actually doing something about it. i could go on living like i have been, knowing that i'm weak and yet still try to show others that i'm am strong. or i could live a different way that would include me boasting in my weaknesses.

the thing is, i'm not actually good at living that way, and quite frankly, i'm not sure if i know how.

but like psalm 119:105,"your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."

life is taken one step at a time. things are revealed one step at a time. when a lamp is at your feet, you can only see the next step. so, there's a need to be wise in thought and action when it comes to determining the end of the road, the ultimate fulfillment of that goal or purpose of one's life, because it's never really clear until God makes it clear.

this is obviously easier said than done....

and that's why it's important to be on your knees, which is something i'm not so great at either.

*sigh

prayer

2007-07-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

someone once said to me: "I learned one thing in these years: if I didn't pray for the person or the issue first, then I shouldn't talk out loud, because I didn't think well in Him, I often will think wrong or misjudge."

basically what this person is saying is that if one did not bring something in prayer to God first before sharing this prayer requests with other people, it's sort of rude and will cause you to be swayed in different directions.

dude, my mom's wise.

hahahahaha

this is a flaw of mine. i've always figured, well, if i bring this to other people as soon as possible then there's power in numbers, no? but the heart of the matter is that i actually want to know what people think. is it cool? do you think it's in God's will? will it even be possible?

it's as if i went to my friends in times of trouble instead of going to my parents first. they could probably do more for me and they probably love me more. how hurtful would that be? granted, it's normal for a youngster to go to his/her friends first, but it still hurts the parents regardless of whether it is normal behavior or not.

I often come to realize the gravity of my actions. others may say that it's small, but i have come to realize that my sins bring great sadness to my God. something as simple as going to friends instead of God may hurt Him a great deal.

so, i guess the lesson is, stay silent, wait, let the Lord speak to you because He speaks in whispers. do not be so quick to bring your problems to others. there is nothing wrong with asking for wise counsel, but how much more wise can you get when going to God first?

there are such things as cool moms. =D

parents

2007-06-26T07:48:00.000-07:00

despite what my parents think at times, i am actually quite grateful for them

besides the provisions that parents make, the number one reason why is that

they are more concerned about my relationship with God than anything else.

they completely understand that God's will supersedes their will. If God wants me to go to the middle of nowhere to serve as a missionary, of course they're not going to agree at first and say that i have to make sure that it's REALLY in God's will, but if it turns out to be so, then they know that they have to let go.

they encourage me to be wise through prayer and quality time with God.

they model to me what true service is, and it is with grace and care.

they pray for me

granted, i find my mom nosy and my father oblivious to the obvious, but i'm thankful for them for this very reason: they are more concerned about my relationship with God over all else.

spiritual ADD II

2007-06-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

i'll be going to east asia in about a month.

i have been quite distracted by many things as of late...school, people, stuff, which in turn has caused me to neglect quality time with my Lord. i'm not saying that i've never been distracted before agreeing to go on this missions trip; it's just been more evident to me.

and then yesterday, i get this nagging feeling that i should read My Utmost for His Highest today, and i get this devotional about how distractions that detract from my focus on Christ will cause me to "sink," so to speak.

and quite frankly, i have been feeling like i've been sinking lately. i have school assignments that i feel like i cannot finish. i have stuff to prepare for other events/people. i have stuff to read for this upcoming missions trip. interpersonal issues...i'm getting stress pimples because of all this, gross.

it's easier said than done, though, depending on Christ's strength, i mean. one minute you say, "yes, i will depend on Christ's strength," and the next minute you're wasting time on facebook and playing minesweeper. well, at least i am. and then i begin to worry about the assignment that i was just trying to finish. silly me

however, if anything good comes out of this, it would be that i am on my knees more than ever asking the Father to protect me from distractions and temptations. that's the beauty of such trials. you come to the reality that you're totally helpless and in need of all the strength that our Lord Jesus Christ can give.

so here comes the struggle against the flesh, the struggle to keep walking on that water and focus on Jesus, the struggle to stay afloat despite the distracting circumstances, a struggle that can only be won with the power of the Spirit.

formosa

2007-05-07T06:05:00.000-07:00

my father just came back from the island of formosa this past week, and he had some interesting things to say. (just to note, he wasn't there for a missions trip)

now i've always been interested in this place for missions since high school because i have family there, and i have been there several times. also, i have made many friends from high school that moved here from taiwan for a better education. this place is very indifferent to religion and most of them participate in religious stuff b/c it's tradition (well, some will actually believe it). a friend of my father's went over there at the same time to speak at some conference i believe, and my dad's description of this church is quite...sad.

apparently this church is huge and made up of wealthy people, and it owns a whole entire office building, and it uses a portion of it for service. the rest is rented out to other people who need office space. where do the funds go? apparently they don't really use the funds for ministry purposes (or at least a big portion of it). it's as if this "church" is run more like a business than the body of Christ.

i've always thought of taiwan to be a neglected place as far as missions in asia is concerned, and i attribute this to the notion that it's not "hard" to evangelize there. they don't have any laws against evangelism, and the attitude towards religion is not that different from the agnostic american (or so i have seen and experienced). because of this, even the christians in taiwan are struggling in what is right or wrong theology (and people like the ones my dad mentioned make up the majority of the christian population in taiwan!). i've talked to another one of my friends who lives there right now, and he said that some churches yell at bad spirits during church service, which is what most taiwanese do to bad spirits to scare them. such practices are not necessary when God is in control, and it's obvious that they do not know how "smart" the demons of this world are. it's not just that, but i find that the taiwanese are so stuck in their tradition. when my grandmother professed Christ to be her savior, it took her quite a while to take the kitchen god poster off the wall. i even have a friend who has (taiwanese) christian parents, but they made him sacrifice going to urbana to study for finals, and it makes me wonder where their priorities are for their child. most find the gospel to be ''too good to be true," and it is very hard to accept the concept of grace. everything must be worked for.

this friend also directed me to a website for people interested in teaching English there, and this atheist webmaster noted that an atheist can feel so comfortable there because no one there cares about religion. it's worse than america where atheists feel pressured and uncomfortable because the name of Jesus is so much more outspoken.

there is 1 missionary for every 20,000 taiwanese.....let's not forget about taiwan.

also, my friend advertised a pretty cool publication from omf on taiwan. read it if you have the time, and pray.

woud Jesus cuss?

2007-05-04T08:08:00.000-07:00

we all know the common phrase that became a merchandising hit when i was in middle school...

what would Jesus do? otherwise known as "WWJD?"

people would be wearing the bracelets, shirts, obtain merchandise like pens and the like. i wouldn't be suprised if they had shoes for it.

but i wonder how many of them really thought about what Jesus would do.

i have, and as i thought about it, another question came to mind...

if Jesus lived in this day and age, would he use taboo words such as "d*mn," "sh*t," and the like?

i have several friends who i consider to be brothers and sisters under the name of Christ and yet they use words such as these. now these words usually are used to bring people down or something negative of the sort, but a long time ago, i talked to a friend about this and he said that he thinks that if Jesus were to live in this day and age that He would use such words. For example, when something is really cool, people would say "dude, that's the s***" as if it were a compliment. he even went on to say that such words aren't so bad and that it is because society has portrayed these words in such a way that makes them bad. these words shouldn't conjure an uncomfortable response because it's because society has made it that way, not because these words are bad in and of themselves.

this conversation with my friend was when we were in high school and i hope that his understand has changed because i find these thoughts to be quite selfish.

as Christians, we are living testimonies, and while maybe these words are "not bad and society has portrayed them to be" society's mind hasn't changed. they still consider it bad, and these words will still gain an uncomfortable response in most. so, when we live as a testimony to others, i find that it's best to rid ourselves of these words in our vocabulary for the sake of society. what good are those words anyway?

i don't know of any biblical basis where Jesus has uttered a taboo word of the that time period (although, he did express some taboo thoughts of the time). so, if anyone knows, or has any other thoughts on the matter, put in a comment

2007-04-12T11:56:00.000-07:00

this is more of rant than anything else...

on tuesday, while i should have been doing hw, i watched a korean movie online called love so divine. the plot was about this catholic seminarian that got into trouble and was relocated to serve at a remote church as sort of a punishment. while he was there, he met the priest's niece who is more of the wild sort and has not been baptized in the catholic church. the seminarian confesses his hatred toward her to the priest, and his penance was to get her to agree to get baptized. after many silly moments and such, he eventually starts to struggle as to whether or not he loves God and can take the oath of celibacy because he starts to develop feelings for her.

this got me thinking...

as a protestant, i am aware that it is possible to serve in the pastorate and be married.

but...

i guess this seminarian's struggle is something i can sympathize with. how can you be dissatisfied with the fact that you don't have this companionship when God is all you need?

on one hand, i do realize that marriage is something created by God. God gave Adam Eve because Adam needed a companion (Gen. 2:18). however, on the other hand, some part of me finds that the desire for companionship when one has none (which i suppose i equate to dissatisfaction) is what i interpret to be a form of disobedience. if one has the satisfying, life-giving Spirit of God, then what is there to be dissatisfied about? i suppose my thought on this is a bit unhealthy because the desire for companionship is not necessarily dissatisfaction, but i'm always inclined to think so just because it seems like whatever God has given to you in the present is not good enough.

that's why many times, i can't stand it when friends of mine say, "i want that guy (or girl) that loves God." of course, it's not a bad want. it's better than wanting a guy/girl that doesn't love God. however, it irks me because i find that through this particular sentence structure, this says to me that the person is more in want of the guy/girl rather than God. It is the relationship with God that supersedes all others. It is the relationship with God that makes success in our relationships with others possible.

I was talking to one of my friends about celibacy, and she expressed that she is absolutely sure that God doesn't have it in His plan for her. I was taken aback because it seemed to me that she is not as open as to the many "surprises" that God will bring. Right now she says that it's not, but what if down the line it is?

Which this then leads me to contemplate about God's plan.

i suppose due my cluelessness concerning the future of my life, i'm pretty much open to anything. of course, i've made plans according to my wants, but i'm also open to the fact that my plans are going to be thwarted and turned into something totally different according to God's wants.

i suppose what i'm trying to get at is that when the desire for companionship is more at the forefront of your mind than your relationship with God, i don't find it a good thing. we must be open to different things that come in God's plan. while you may desire companionship now, it's quite a possibility that God has something different for you.

:end rant:

at every turn...

2007-03-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

The great need for the Christian worker is to be ready to face Jesus Christ at any and every turn. This is not easy, no matter what our experience is. The battle is not against sin or difficulties or circumstances, but against being so absorbed in work that we are not ready to face Jesus Christ at every turn. That is the one great need, not the facing of our belief, or our creed, or the question whether we are of any use, but to face Him.

Jesus rarely comes where we expect Him; He appears where we least expect Him, and always in the most illogical connections. The only way a worker can keep true to God is by being ready for the Lord's surprise visits. It is not service that matters, but intense spiritual reality, expecting Jesus Christ at every turn. This will give our life the attitude of child-wonder which He wants it to have. If we are going to be ready for Jesus Christ, we have to stop being religious (that is, using religion as a higher kind of culture) and be spiritually real.

If you are "looking off unto Jesus," avoiding the call of the religious age you live in, and setting your heart on what He wants, on thinking on His line - you will be called unpractical and dreamy; but when He appears in the burden and the heat of the day, you will be the only one who is ready. Trust no one, not even the finest saint who ever walked this earth, ignore him, if he hinders your sight of Jesus Christ.

—My Utmost For His Highest

i must be ready at every turn...this is big

in my life at this very point, am i ready to see Jesus face to face? when i am angry at a fellow brother or sister, what if Jesus comes at that very moment? will i be ready to face Him regardless of what this brother or sister did? when i am prideful of my accomplishments, will i be ready to face Him? when i am too busy to give Him the time of day, will i be ready to see Him if He comes at that very moment?

Sometimes i feel that the things of the present are so important than my relationship with Christ, but what if He decided to come at the moment when i'm the least ready? i don't think i'd be able to face Him. I'd be too ashamed to be honest. i'm ashamed now quite frankly...

so whatever it is that is hindering my sight of Christ, i must let go...

who am i

2007-03-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

by watermark

listen

Over time you've healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
And though at times it's just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well, I am grateful that you shine your light on me at all

Who am I that you would love me so gently?
Who am I that you would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I that you would speak to me so softly
Conversation with the love most high
Who am I?

Well, amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind, but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song the more I understand
That I do not comprehend this love that's coming from your hand

Who am I that you would love me so gently?
Who am I that you would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I that you would speak to me so softly
Conversation with the love most high
Who am I?

Grace, grace, God's grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace, God's grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin

Who am I that you would love me so gently?
Who am I that you would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I that you would speak to me so softly
Conversation with the love most high
Who am I?

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
Amazing love, now flowing down
From hands and feet that were nailed to the tree
His grace flows down and covers me.
(Repeat)

And covers me, and covers me, and covers me, and covers me
And covers me, and covers me, and covers me, and covers me
(with descant- Grace, grace, God's grace)

Who am I that you would love me so gently?
Who am I that you would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I that you would speak to me so softly
Conversation with the love most high
Who am I?
Lord, who am I, yeah
________________________________

*sigh...

shalom

2007-03-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

lately i've been confronted with this word "shalom."

what does it exactly mean?

someone told me that when people greet each other with this word it means "i will try as best i can to bring you this peace that surpasses understanding."

others have told me that besides tranquility, it also means a completeness or a wholeness. they have also gone further to say that it is a word that can describe the relationship that God intended for us to have with him.

with these in mind, i am inclined to think that this word "shalom" has a lot to do with the matter of evangelism. i say this because when we evangelize, we essentially are letting them know that this peace that we cannot fabricate nor comprehend is available to them through the blood of Jesus Christ. if we greet them with the word "shalom" wouldn't that indicate that you want them to gain a sense of completeness only by knowing Jesus Christ?

i really don't know if i'm right or wrong quite frankly. it's just been a thought. correct me if i'm wrong, please.

the world's moral problems

2007-03-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

so, i heard someone wanted to challenged dr. dobson on what the real moral issues are of this world.

dr. dobson said something along the lines of the biggest moral issues to be that of sexual purity, keeping the baby as opposed to abortion, and such and such...

and while i agree a lot with the other side that it's not the biggest issue compared to genocide etc., these things are just as important

sin is sin. how can we categorize a sin as greater than the other when all of it separates us from God?

but knowing that dr. dobson is also all about the family, i started thinking....

much of the moral development is within the family. if the child does not have a central family unit that loves them, i wouldn't be surprised to find the next dictator among them.

i find that it is because of the family that wrong things start to happen. it may not be the reason for 100% of the problems in this world, but i can envision it being a good bulk of it.

in medicine, they tell us that the best medicine is the preventative kind...meaning that taking preventative methods to ensure health is best. i see the family as a form of such for moral development.

If the parents are God-fearing and teach children in the ways of the Lord and depend upon the Lord for guiding, i would think that the world's problems would diminish dramatically.

now, i'm not saying that all children who do not grow up in such environments will end up bad people. that's God's grace that they don't end up as such.

i just think that most people don't understand how powerful the family unit can be.

prayer requests

2007-03-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

about 2 weeks ago, i agreed to go help someone with the English camp (it'll be in China july 22-aug 4). It'll be a great experience no doubt, but it was such a last minute decision.

The news of this trip came so late, and i only had literally 2 days to come up with a decision. my worries mostly have to do with whether this trip is something God wants me to do. when i told p.lo that i was willing to go, i was willing. but sometimes in my excitement, God usually tells me....uh no.

so pray that:

-this is within God's will
-that God will provide the funds
-that God will move mountains on this trip
-that i will continually depend on Him for all my needs

2007-03-07T07:25:00.000-08:00

mxu said:
I'm still not quite sold that we have "callings" in terms of vocations. Maybe missionaries and pastors (being analogous to apostles and prophets), but daily calling?

I personally don't believe there's Scriptural evidence to support such an idea, but I'm certainly open to it.

what do you think?

aren't we Christ's apostles too?

anyways, the big point Smith is trying to make in his book (at least of what i've read so far) is that 1st, God calls people to himself, to follow Him. However, he also believes that we are called as followers of Christ to a more specific life purpose. So far the major scriptural argument he has made is from Romans 12. We all are given a different gift, and we are to use it according to what God has called us to do with this gift.

also, he distinguishes between vocation and occupation. occupation is under the umbrella of vocation or calling. vocation reaches far beyond just work and family. (so basically calling and vocation are pretty much synonymous in this book)

he also emphasizes that all vocations are sacred. so, if one is not called into the pastorate but rather to minister in the business world, that is just as sacred as being a pastor or missionary because it's according to whatever gifts God has granted him/her.

i haven't finished the book. i'm only halfway, and i have so much other readings to do for school, so i don't anticipate finishing this book anytime soon.

my church is having a retreat this weekend with Darrell Johnson as our speaker. i'm pretty hyped. please pray for us that we will have teachable hearts and that God will be speaking through Dr. Johnson.

"Scholars, Clergy Criticize Jesus Documentary: Film Contradicts Beliefs at Heart of Christianity"

2007-02-26T13:19:00.000-08:00

what do you think? iono, the documentary will air on march 4 on the discovery channel. don't know what time.

know yourself

2007-02-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

so, i had a discussion with a friend of mine about the myers-briggs test. I must apologize to him tho b/c i thought i was enfj (probably because most teachers are said to be that)...i looked at my old results, and i turned out to be esfj.

anyways....

he thought i was estj. when i told him of what my results were in the past, he asked if i have changed any since. curious, i decided to take the test again..

estj...

as of last year, i have become 11 points more extroverted, same in sensing, a complete mirror to the opposite side, and the same in judgement.

hahahaha

but what also prompted me to retake this test was when i read a section of Courage and Calling by Gordon T. Smith this morning. He emphasized the importance of knowing oneself, to assess oneself with sober judgement, and being okay with that so that we are able to effectively carry out God's will. I have no clue what prompted me to be an 'f' last year. i think i've always been one to think with my head as opposed to my heart, but i suppose it would depend on the situation.

nonetheless, Smith went on to say that self-knowledge is crucial in knowing our calling. we need to know ourselves to be able to live in accordance to how God made us and to use that to carry out His will.

this is scary to me because i am starting to think about what God's vocation is for me, and i have this feeling it might not be teaching in a k-5 public school esl program. well, i've thought this for a while, but the scariest part for me is not knowing what that vocation/calling is. and i suppose being an estj, impatience is a character flaw.

i'm also starting to realize that i'm still 21 years old. hanging out with my friends makes me forget that sometimes. i suppose the fact that i hang out with 26-30 year olds makes me very anxious to know now b/c i feel like i'm lagging behind in self-knowledge.

but i need to assess myself with sober judgement. i am a very confused, impatient 21 year old kid wanting to know God's will but still has a long way to go.

dancing

2007-02-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

i talked about modesty in dress, but what about movement of one's body?

i have friends that dance in such a way that makes me feel uncomfortable because they embody what, in my head, i believe to be what pornographic videos look like. is God honestly glorified through this sort of movement to a song with lyrics that emphasize sex? i realize that if Jesus were here to today, he would be with them just like he was with the shepherds and tax collectors and whores of yore, but would he join in on this? i'm sure it breaks his heart. i'm sure it breaks his heart to see people who say they follow him dance in such a manner.

is this pride and ignorance kicking in, or do i have a legit arguement?

2007-02-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

in response to my modesty post:

ministerswife said:
Please don't reduce all men down to being controlled by their male organs. If you do, it gives them no credit for being thoughtful human beings who can control their "animal" urges. If you contend that men just can't control their desires when they see women who are dresses inappropriately, then you devalue them as thinking wise individuals.

and i agree, and that was not my point at all. however it is no excuse to wear immodest clothes (of which i know that you aren't insinuating). some men are very urbane, and i commend them, but some try very hard to be and do not succeed. and some men, while they seem urbane, their mind is not. not all men are the same. besides there are thoughtful and wise men that stumble from time to time. same thing with women. we are fine from time to time, but then there are times we do stumble for some reason.

also, as i seek counsel in my brothers on this issue, there was not one man who did not agree that it would be better if women dressed more modestly.

my point was not to devalue my brothers' ability to resist temptation but to raise modest sisters. my point was why even bother wearing that "cute top" when it is clearly revealing too much skin (even if it's just a girls night out w/ no guys around)? it's still a sin even if we didn't have that intention of making a guy stumble. we are human beings in the prescence of a holy God. can God be glorified by immodest dress in any situation? is it okay to wear a tank top to church service as much as it is at the church picnic? now how much is too much and the drawing of the lines are up to you and the convictions of the Holy Spirit. just be wise about it. that's all i'm saying.

REAL cool stuff here.

urbana 06 II

2007-01-25T16:38:00.000-08:00

people say that hindsight is 20/20

another thing that i had learned at Urbana is the importance of a true worldview. by this i mean, seeing the world as it really is without your own biases. A pastor from Kenya talked about how the Western church is in as much need for the African church (and the church in the rest of the 2/3's of the world) just as much as the Western church thinks they need our help. it was like a knife into my sheltered life. i guess i kind of knew these things, but when you live in a world that i live in, it's not so much in your face. even today during class, we did an exercise showing our different backgrounds. the teacher made statements that described a priveleged class and told us to step forward, and then said statements that described the non-so-priveleged class and told us to step backwards (if it applied to us as individuals). i was one of the classmates at the very front. a great majority of my classmates were in the back. on one hand i felt thankful but on the other hand i felt ashamed b/c i felt so spoiled.

another thing in relation to that was that interdependence is needed. no matter how self-sufficient i think i am, i am still in need of the body of Christ. before i went to urbana, i thought i had all that i needed to go to urbana. i was going to use the money that i had earned over the past semester to pay for my trip, but the saturday before i left, my dear sister gave me money that exceeded my registration fee and my church gave me $100 as well. not only that, God provided me with a job that paid well the week before the conference. i thought that i had all that i needed, but God showed me that i could ask for help from my fellow brothers and sisters.

through urbana, i can safely say that i am able to better empathize with my brothers and sisters from other cultures (or at least have a desire to). before urbana, i was very stuck in my Chinese American life. My church friends are pretty much all from the same race and we all have similar backgrounds. Urbana has opened my eyes to another world. because of this, i all of a sudden feel very sheltered at dcbc. i can't say that all three language congregations can relate well to each other now, so how are the members of dcbc supposed to relate well to our brothers and sisters from other clutural backgrounds (ie. African, Latino)? i feel that some members at dcbc are holding us back in letting the English congregation explore that. especially in the music department. i love dcbc, no doubt, but it's a burden that been put on my heart recently.

another thing i learned (well it came more from a book than it did from the conference) was that all vocations are sacred. Just because we didn't go through seminary and move halfway across the world doesn't mean that we aren't doing God's work. sometimes our jobs (the way we make money to sustain us) and our vocation (the way we fulfill God's work) don't even coincide with each other. several weeks ago i was considering seminary, (well, i still am) but i'm starting to understand that even if God doesn't want me to go, i can still do His will. (so, basically, if i don't get in or something happens that results in me not going...i shouldn't get mad thinking that God is denying me something that i think i need)

but also on the other side, i went to a seminar talking about theological education in missions. the basic idea of the seminar is that you don't want to go into the field without being prepared. they have described some people who thought that they didn't need any seminary education they didn't want to take the time or didn't think it was worth the time only to find that they regretted their decision in the aftermath.

i'm still thinking about pursuing linguistics as a Masters, and i've looked more deeply into some of the seminaries that i mentioned previously. goodness. i have so much to think about. i need prayer......

and lastly (for this entry), it's important to spend time with the planner of your life when you want to know what this plan is. makes sense, huh? it's not just the common sense of it all; it's more than that. it's developing your relationship with Him. I once had a friend in highschool who i considered to be one of my best friends. one day we made a pact that we'd visit each other's respective schools for lunch during spring break. i kept my promise, and he didn't. i was quite disappointed. he had his reasons and some were legitimate and some were absurd in my opinion, but regardless of whether or not his reasons were good, the fact that he didn't show was hurtful enough. i can quite identify with God when it comes to something like this. neglect from a friend does not feel good. and i have to say that i've been quite neglectful when it came to my time with God.

but i'm learning and slowly getting there. I can do all things through Christ's strength. amen?

run ma run!

2007-01-15T10:25:00.000-08:00

no, it's a spoof off forrest gump.

i'm talking about mary slessor. i remember going to backyard bible club as a kid, and hearing stories of various missionaries. it was like watching a TV drama b/c so much happened to them. warding off evil spirits, fighting for survival in a foreign place...

i scared my mother yesterday when i asked her if God ever told me if i were to live a life just like mary slessor's. if there was one thing i still hold from Urbana is that anything less than my 100% yes is utter rebellion to God. what if my parents are the only ones that are not supportive?

i admit that i've never had a problem gaining support from my parents except when i'm in wanting of doing something...dangerous. most of the time, i'd comply, but what if...just what if God said, "Cindy, go" and i'm to go to a place hostile to different looking people and contempt for the Gospel? my mom keeps saying something like "you have to make sure it's God's calling and not something off a whim." there's wisdom in that i suppose.

aye....the thought kind of scares me too.

urbana 06

2007-01-02T08:52:00.000-08:00

i'm going to attempt to put into words of my feelings and experiences on urbana

i went in thinking, "o, God's going to tell me what i'm going to do for the rest of my life." well, i didn't really think that per se, but it was a false hope (for lack of a better word) in the back of my mind. i guess it was what my heart was really hoping for. i started to know stuff that i didn't anticipate learning about. it was in a word, humbling. i suppose i've always wanted to be a part of God's mission, but i've never even step foot on a foreign mission field. what has stopped me from taking these opportunities when i was in high school? i admit that i am quite the selfish person. my thirst has been for knowledge for myeslf, not really to benefit the lives of others. one of my prayers at this conference was that God would strip me of my desires and replace them with His. I can see it working because i am becoming more and more aware of my selfishness.

it's even more funny that God used a speaker that i didn't want to hear from to show me that we should do whatever it takes to bring the gospel to others.

i could tell that Satan was attempting to bring us down though. of all the complaints i have heard from my brothers and sisters, the biggest one is that they were always tired and weary physically. i also have experienced some weariness. some also decided that since they were tired that they'd skip some of the sessions to rest so that they'd get more out of the other sessions only to find that they were pretty tired during those too.

but God is even greater than that because of all the tired people, pretty much all of them were convicted in some way. their eyes were opened to the injustice in this world. i have also experienced this myself.

i went in with selfish questions. God's answer was, you're just a kid. you've got a long way to go. i'll reveal all things in due time. i wait with tension and anticipation.

despite being all confused and and such about my future, i have seen some different options. I have considered linguistics to be my major focus as opposed to teaching public school. with this desire to go into linguistics, i have also considered partnering with wycliffe in bible translation. with this in mind, i have talked to several seminaries and the 3 that i have been pretty interested in are DTS (along with the Graduate Institue of Applied Linguistics), Regent, and Southern Baptist TS in KY(man, they're all really different schools too..theologically and geographically speaking..haha) partially because they have great teachers and programs that fit this desire.

socially, i had a great time. i saw so many people from my Chicago years that i hadn't seen in 12+ years. i roomed with strangers from the Boston area (okay, not complete strangers. we have several mutual friends), and i have been blessed to be a part of their family groups and to hear their insights on scripture. at first i was kind of lonely due to the fact that all my friends were with their own groups and such, but God provided me with even more. Alleluia, soli deo gloria. =D

I appreciate the comments of those who read this blog. so, feel free to leave comments.

cliche

2006-11-29T08:48:00.000-08:00

i have a friend who once communicated to me (through a blog) that sometimes she wondered whether or not she was a good Christian or not because she doesn't post bible verses or shares what she has learned through sermons in daily conversation because it seems very cliche to her and it puts her in disgust.

i understand her position, we all strive for some form of anti-conformity.

however, when this anti-conformity attitude is preventing us from sharing what God has done in our lives, i'm afraid that is where it may go wrong.

of course, to bring up God all the time in daily conversation with people may be overdoing to some, but how else are we to respond to the great deed that Christ has done on the cross, or the great deeds God has done in our lives? take Paul for example. he said,"Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God." this is serious. James said,"Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." so even the things we DON'T do are sins.

i just want to point out that withholding the glories that God has done in our lives could in fact be a sin. our natural response to God's greatness is to worship and give glory to Him. this is not only done through singing. it's done through our comings and goings in our daily living. this is not only in evangelism but also in just plain ol' sharing in groups. and sharing doesn't even have to be in Christian settings. i believe it's even best to share with people who aren't Christians. these things are said to bless others and to encourage others, not to "shove religion down people's throats."

there are reasons why people share what they have learned in a sermon or personal bible study and put bible verses on their blogs and xangas. we do it because it is a form of worship to our LORD. we do it because it brings the glory of God to the attention of others. we do it because, if you think about it, it's a commandment.

dating

2006-11-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

Lately, people have been asking me about whether or not i have a boyfriend. the answer is no.

I'm not sure whether it is the grace of God or whether i am used to the fact that guys don't tell me of their serious interest in dating/courting/wooing me, but i'm content in my singleness, and i believe it to be because of the former rather than the latter. in my contentedness, i find that if God calls me to be single for the rest of my life, i can say with a truthful heart that i'm okay with that.

now, i've talked to a friend of mine about this, and i expressed my current disinterest in dating. his reply was "well, the test is when that Christian Asian hunk of a man approaches you."

while humorous, i find some wisdom in it. i realize that God will bring some man into my life that He would want me to marry, and God will probably use this person to thwart my plans and make my comfortable, simplistic life into an uncomfortable and complicating one, but if it's in God's will, it will bring me a great amount of joy.

i believe it's the "determining God's will" part that is the hard part.

my brother has written to two entries both of which i believe are quite applicable to this particular entry. click on "newmatic" and read them sometime

詩篇 46:10

2006-10-30T21:11:00.000-08:00

你們要休息，要知道我是神！我必在外邦中被尊崇，在遍地上也被尊崇。

you need to rest and need to know that I am God....I am being exalted among other nations, I am being exalted on earth.

as trying to be mary, i need to be still and be aware of God's glory. When I am not aware of God's glory, my blindedness then results in my self-awareness. i start then to worship myself.

He says "be still and know that I am God..."

Dear precious Father, forgive me...

learning styles in Christian education

2006-10-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

today my class talked about how important learning styles are, and they mentioned that for some people, lecture is not beneficial to them. this in turn caused me to think whether some people could really learn from the pulpit if receiving information through speech was not in line with their learning style.

personally, i believe God will teach and convict despite learning styles, but should we cater to someone's learning style when it comes to Christian education? i ask this because i barely hear this sort of thing in a religious context.

i'm sure some sunday school teachers try to do this without really thinking about it, but do you think it's a very important issue to address and put into practice?

something to think about.

just to inform what learning styles are, there is the VARK model where we have the visual, auditory, reading/writing, and kinesthetic learners. there's gardner's multiple intelligences. i'll into a little bit more detail later, but i got class.

約翰福音 3:16

2006-10-22T06:01:00.000-07:00

神愛世人，甚至將他的獨生子賜給他們，叫一切信他的，不至滅亡，反得永生。

i'm sorry if some of you can't read this. i'm not sure which code is best to use. if anyone has any suggestions, please leave a comment

but anyhow...

ah...the famous verse of all time, john 3:16. the verse that encompasses pretty much the entire faith of Christians.

i think it's a good verse to start my chinese bible verse memory thing...(now all i have to do is remember how to write it.)

i believe we, as christians, take this verse for granted. it's so powerful yet most Christians have heard it since their days as a baby that it's kind of lost its meaning. don't you think?

God loved (and still loves) the world. all we have to do is accept that fact that Jesus is God manisfested in human flesh, lived a perfect life, died on the cross, and rose again on the third day. it's not mere believing, we're giving up our decrepit bodies to God to make us perfect. this is love, God is love for Him to even want to take part in our lives.

eternal life with our Lord and Savior...what could be better than that? =D

gomer

2006-10-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

this past weekend some friends of mine in the navigators went on a retreat, and the theme was on hosea 2. as i read it and went on to three...man...

Hosea 2-3 (NIV emphasis added)

1 "Say of your brothers, 'My people,' and of your sisters, 'My loved one.'

Israel Punished and Restored

2 "Rebuke your mother, rebuke her,
for she is not my wife,
and I am not her husband.
Let her remove the adulterous look from her face
and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.

3 Otherwise I will strip her naked
and make her as bare as on the day she was born;
I will make her like a desert,
turn her into a parched land,
and slay her with thirst.

4 I will not show my love to her children,
because they are the children of adultery.

5 Their mother has been unfaithful
and has conceived them in disgrace.
She said, 'I will go after my lovers,
who give me my food and my water,
my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'

6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.

7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say,
'I will go back to my husband as at first,
for then I was better off than now.'

8 She has not acknowledged that I was the one
who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil,
who lavished on her the silver and gold—
which they used for Baal.

9 "Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens,
and my new wine when it is ready.
I will take back my wool and my linen,
intended to cover her nakedness.

10 So now I will expose her lewdness
before the eyes of her lovers;
no one will take her out of my hands.

11 I will stop all her celebrations:
her yearly festivals, her New Moons,
her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts.

12 I will ruin her vines and her fig trees,
which she said were her pay from her lovers;
I will make them a thicket,
and wild animals will devour them.

13 I will punish her for the days
she burned incense to the Baals;
she decked herself with rings and jewelry,
and went after her lovers,
but me she forgot,"
declares the LORD.

14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master. '

17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked.

18 In that day I will make a covenant for them
with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air
and the creatures that move along the ground.
Bow and sword and battle
I will abolish from the land,
so that all may lie down in safety.

19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.

20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.

21 "In that day I will respond,"
declares the LORD—
"I will respond to the skies,
and they will respond to the earth;

22 and the earth will respond to the grain,
the new wine and oil,
and they will respond to Jezreel.

23 I will plant her for myself in the land;
I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one. '
I will say to those called 'Not my people, ' 'You are my people';
and they will say, 'You are my God.' "

Chapter 3

Hosea's Reconciliation With His Wife

1 The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."

2 So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley.

3 Then I told her, "You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you."

4 For the Israelites will live many days without king or prince, without sacrifice or sacred stones, without ephod or idol.

5 Afterward the Israelites will return and seek the LORD their God and David their king. They will come trembling to the LORD and to his blessings in the last days.

the biggest reason why i chose the username "wusergomer" was more because of the fact i was an avid Third Day fan, but i'm glad they named their fans "gomers" because in a sense, we are all like Gomer.

i am the adulteress. i have wandered and gave my heart to worthless lovers. yet God still is willing to take me back.....

o wonderous, fathomless love that you should love someone such as me...

mission minded

2006-10-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

lately, the theme of my life lately has been being "mission minded" being a "world" christian. not in the sense that i'm worldly as in being "of the world" but being someone who is aware of the need of the gospel to the rest of the world.

the traveling team came over to unt and reminded me of things that i have known since high school (10/40 window, the percentage of missionaries in america v. overseas, who the most unreached people are...).

i'm going to urbana.

this past weekend was missions conference.

is God trying to tell me something??

Pray, Give, Go...

腓立比書 4:13

2006-10-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

我靠著那加給我力量的，凡事都能做。

For some reason, i have this sudden urge to improve my Chinese to the point that i can read and speak just as well as native Chinese people my age. i would have to say that my chinese is probably the level of someone in early elementary school at best.

for those of you who have not noticed, to someone who has grown up in a romanized language, learning chinese is quite a hard task. even i believe the road ahead of me will prove to be quite a trek. for me, the problem is understanding idioms and aquiring deeper vocabulary. i am able to make small talk with people, and native chinese speakers usually express that they are impressed at the level i am at considering my upbringing (i am an american born and raised chinese).

to learn chinese, many chinese people have been telling me that using the Bible as a tool for learning chinese has proven effective because that's what they used to learn english. so, i have committed to memorizing a verse of scripture a week. hopefully, by God's strength, i will be able to understand passages without an english translation.

that's the biggest reason why i chose this verse first. another reason is that someone sent me a song written by a Christian music group in Taiwan. (i tell you, songs really help as mnemonic devices!) a direct, but not pretty, translation would be, " i depend (or lean) on the one who adds to me strength, all things are possible to do. " this verse is not just applicable to my chinese learning, but to school as well. i'm currently not as much of a "mary" as i would like to be. i've been pretty busy b/c of my current workload. i need to start relying on Christ's strength to get me through this semester.

slow to condemn

2006-10-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

a sin i have that i have been trying to get rid of is my judgemental nature.

i've known of this all along. it's been with me ever since i moved to texas. that's when my judgemental nature really came out.

i'm pretty good at finding fault with other people. i can find some in myself to, but as i remember reading Mere Christianity, Lewis said something along the lines of that even though our sins are things we dont' like about ourselves, we still love ourselves.

and i'm thankful to God for brothers and sisters tha t he has given me to point out my sins every once in a while. as many of you can tell from some of my previous postings, i've been making judgements about people. once someone does something that i, in my mind, would never do, i start passing judgement. if there is a brother/sister in Christ that goes out to the club in garb that i find atrocious and dancing in a way that i find not pleasing to God and admitting to getting drunk, my whole entire look on that person has been changed, tainted. my respect for them has dropped considerably. i truly wonder if he/she is my sibling in Christ. i start to think that they may not be saved at all.

this is not right.

i would not be surprised if my complaining resulted in Christ losing any respect for me. i would not be surprise that my sarcastic or hurtful comments resulted in Christ's love for me to diminsh. i would not be surprised if my laziness would result in Christ providing me with nothing. i would not be surprised that my judgemental heart would result in Christ forsaking me.

but he would never do that regardless of what i do...

change my heart o God, make it ever true.
change my heart o God, may i be like You

regression

2006-10-03T11:51:00.000-07:00

it seems like (emphasis on seems) a lot of the people i once looked up to in middle/high school are not as "great" as i once saw them to be. i used to be in awe of their love for God and how they would spend a lot of their time leading small groups or serving in some sort of ministry.

nowadays, i see pictures of them going clubbing and drinking socially (not saying they're going out getting drunk, although i do believe that some of them do), dancing in ways that insinuate something unpure, and i don't see them blogging much about what God has been teaching them in their lives. most of what they blog about now are about materialism.

i feel so judgemental, but yet, i feel so sad that what i once saw in many people now seems to be a lie.

i guess that's why in small group leadership training, they tell us that what we do as leaders is so important because of what our "flock" might think when we do certain things. i remember talking to some people from church about how if one of our youth group counselors drank alcohol, we'd have a tainted outlook on him/her.

it's not about impressing other people. it's about taking responsibility for those you are leading.

sometimes i really wonder what happened along the way....where did the passion go?

Lord, do not let me stray from You. may You be my only source for all that i need and want

content

2006-10-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

a while back i was very anxious to know what God's will is for my life.

i still don't know.

but the thing is, i have to realize that everything is to God's timing. my anxiousness is a form of complaining if you think about it. why can't i know now??!!?!?

but God has his time for everything. He does things His way in His time. i guess i had sort of a problem with that. i can either cooperate with God or try do things my way. from previous experience, not only is it easier to cooperate with God, but it's actually quite satisfying. a good friend once said to me, "wouldn't it be great if all the desires of our heart were the same as God's?"

This past month or so, i've been attending a sunday school on the book of Numbers. i am learning a lot of how this book can be applied to my life. the Israelites complained so much, and my anxiousness is nothing short of what they were doing. in response to their ingrate hearts, His fire burned among them. When Miriam and Aaron complained of not receiving the spiritual gift of prophesy (in spite of their high status), God struck Miriam with leprosy.

i realize that God is a God of love, mercy, and forgiveness, yet i know that He has anger and wrath toward our sins. i am slowly, but surely, realizing the gravity of my sins even though they may not seem so grave to my fellow humans.

God is not my genie who grants my every wish in a prayer. Rather God is my Rock and Redeemer who grants my every need according to the glorious riches in Christ.

marriage v. God

2006-09-21T05:03:00.000-07:00

i'm procrastinating on my hw and such, but i think this topic is pretty important...

What is more important? Your marriage or your relationship with God?

Is your marriage worth skipping church? Is your marriage worth jeopardizing your relationship with God?

I ask this because someone i know professed to saying that his/her relationship with God has been lacking ever since he/she got married (which this person is regretful for). however, this person said that he doesn't regret missing church to improve the marriage b/c one can tell one's walk with God with the condition of his/her marriage.

it's not like this person's spouse is trying to get this person away from church. this person's spouse is also a believer, and used to serve.

i guess i'm just wondering if they're going about growing their marriage in the right way. Instead of telling me that they're praying and such together, they're going on weekend trips to different places to improve their marriage.

i hope i'm not judging too critically, but, not to sound so 'religious,' but maybe instead of those trips, pray together. this person didn't explicitly say (b/c i read it in this person's online journal) that they didn't pray or study the bible together, so i guess i am assuming things.

being a bachelorette, i know what i've written doesn't have as much validity as someone who is married, but after looking at some verses in scripture, i think that what they're doing isn't exactly right...

Luke 14:26 (NASB)
"If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple."

Deut 13:6-8 (NASB)

If your brother, your mother's son, or your son or daughter, or the wife you cherish, or your friend who is as your own soul, entice you secretly, saying, 'Let us go and serve other gods' (whom neither you nor your fathers have known,

of the gods of the peoples who are around you, near you or far from you, from one end of the earth to the other end),

you shall not yield to him or listen to him; and your eye shall not pity him, nor shall you spare or conceal him.

In the Luke passage, it's not like they should hate each other, but their love for God must exceed their love for each other. the fact that they miss church to improve their marriage, and one of them professes that his/her relationship with God is deteriorating says to me that their priorities are in the wrong places. in the Deut passage, the 'other god' is their marriage. it goes on to the punishment that is given for this sort of thing, but thankfully the blood of Jesus Christ has taken away that sort of punishment (stoning). i'm not saying that one is really trying to turn the other away from God. i know them well enough to know that neither of them would intentionally do that to each other. but like all sins that we know, they creep up and pretty subtle.

i may be judging and assuming quite a lot b/c i don't know the entire story, so i apologize. however, this marriage described is probably in other christian marriages as well. i hope that they will take to heart that marriage is not worth jeopardizing our relationship with God. we should be kindling the relationship with God first, and the improvement of marriage will follow. not the other way around...

Jesus Camp II

2006-09-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

no one commented, but i will!

I
i watched the trailer and the speaker did not use one word of scripture. not one word of scripture was expressed in anyway on the site. there was no biblical basis for what they were doing. their mission was to "spread Jesus" through politics.

II
like i said, their mission was to "spread Jesus" through politics. this is quite the wrong way to do things. in the trailer, you see children doing a performance with camo uniforms one and green and black painted on their faces. this scares me to no point. it seems like they are using violence instead of the Spirit to change hearts.

III
These children seem to have such a thirst and hunger yet the adults are feeding them junk that looks like nourishing food. you see the children shaking, crying, and wailing, and as i watched the trailer, i have no clue if they really know what they're crying for. when i was a kid, i didn't know or experience enough to cry for the lost. i'm not saying that charasmatic worship is wrong, but how it is used it important. yes, it looked creepy to me, but if you're just babbling thinking that you're speaking in tongue, well then....that's wrong. they seem so zealous. it's so sad that they are being taught by people who don't use the Word to convict and teach them.

any other problems you find in this camp?

proverbs 31:26-31

2006-09-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

the conclusion!!! =D (i left my notes at home, so i might add more when i get a hold of them)

26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Her words are wise, and they are "teaching[s] of kindness." This tells me personally that she is able to speak the truth in love, a very hard thing for people to do. a friend of mine also mentioned gossip. she is able to discern what she can say and what is best not to say.

27She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.

again, this portrays her selflessness. she is faithful to her household and she chooses not to be idle. i say choose because it says that she "does not eat the bread of idleness." to eat something requires a choice. the scriptures do not merely tell us that she is idle but that she chooses not to be. this is profound in that she is not idle even when she feels like doing nothing.

28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

I am reminded of the 'cool' mom when i read this verse. her children aren't ashamed of her around their friends (which most teenage children are like nowadays). i am also reminded of the phrase "you reap what you sow." she invests so much in her children, and in turn they love her and praise her.

29"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."

This again reminds me that the proverbs 31 woman is rare. She excels even the most noble of women.

30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

believe it or not, look aren't everything. yes, we should be clean and hygenic, but some people are so concerned with their looks. they can't make a trip to the grocery store without having makeup on their face. our satisfaction is not in the eyes of men but in the eyes of God. man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. Also this fear is not a phobia, but rather a reverent fear. If we were to go meet a member of the royal court or presidency, we're not going to fear for our lives, but we respect them. we are careful what we say to them because of the amount of influence they have with their constituents.

31Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

to give the product of her hands is to show encouragement, to show that she has done something with her life. with all that she does, it's great to express gratitude. When someone does a lot of things for other people, it gets discouraging when no one tells this person how much he/she is appreciated. what better way to appreciate than to "praise her in the gates" (or where it is quite public)?

Jesus Camp

2006-09-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

sooooooooo

what do y'all think??

proverbs 31:20-25

2006-08-28T05:15:00.000-07:00

i haven't had a bible study with my small group for the longest time...it was so great to actually get together again for that (even though it was just three of us)

v20 She extends her hand to the poor
And she stretches out her hand to the needy

we found that this woman is generous with her things. she understands that she is blessed with many material things. the fact that it says 'extends her hand' or 'stretches out' conveys to me that she intends and thinks about giving to the poor as opposed to just giving whenever she passes by someone in need during her busy schedule. normally, when we as blessed, rich people pass by someone not as fortunate with material things, we tend to fear them b/c they may be dangerous or criminalistic. however, this woman realizes that they are needy and shows unconditional love to them. we also cross referenced ephesians 4:28 which says, "He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need." our work is not just to provide for ourselves but to provide for those in need. it may not just be the needy people of material things but also those who have spiritual needs.

v21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She is prepared for trials of the winter season. We assumed that it could also means trials of any sort because she knows that they are inevitable just like the winter season. also, the color scarlet is not used to ward off the cold. that seems pretty silly. however, according to adam clarke, "shanim" from "shanah" means to double. so it's used to say like "double dyed" or in this case "double garments." (on a side note, as i used my bible navigator to look up the word 'scarlet' in the hebrew, while the pronouciation of the word were similar, the hebrew notation of the words in my dictionary and clarke's commentary didn't look alike. someone, enlighten me.)

v22 She makes coverings for herself
Her clothing is fine linen and purple

While she does think of others most of the time, she realizes that she will need a moment to herself. we cross referenced revelation 19:8 which says, "It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints." we took this to mean that her fine linen may also mean acts of righteousness. the color purple signified honor also, so we concluded that she is honorable and righteous.

v23 Her husband is known at the gates
When he sits among the elders of the land

She gives her husband good face. I suppose that if he sits among the elders of the land that he is held in high regard. she is the "crown of her husband" instead of the "decay of his bones" (proverbs 12:4)

v24 She makes linen garments and sells them
And supplies belts to the tradesmen

why belts? maybe that's an irrelevant question. i don't know the answer to that one. but anyways, she produces something with what she is given. my friend compared this verse to the parable of the talents. she is given something, and she is using it to produce something better.

v25 strength and dignity are her clothing
and she smiles at the future

obviously she is strong and dignified, but she anticipates the future. while in this passage, she is definately prepared for any situation, i cannot help but think that she trusts and depends on God for everything. she can smile at the future knowing that God is there to take care of her and her family.

this is something that i have been having trouble with. i know that God is sovereign and has control, but i am taking anxious and taking cautious steps instead of smiling and taking confident steps into the future. there's more to it, i guess, but that's for me, God, and my small group to know. =D

on modesty...again

2006-08-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

so i was talking to a friend yesterday and she was telling how this certain guy in a picture she had on her screensaver slideshow would keep on looking where he was not supposed to be looking. the picture was of her and her friends and their friends at a club.

my first thought was, i suppose, true but quite mean...if a guy has the opportunity to do so, then you shouldn't be wearing it in the first place! (i resisted the urge to say so in front of her friends)

in the words of my very wise (guy) friend, "There are some parts of God's temple that I'm not supposed to see until I'm married to you." (=D)

which brings me to my point. some girls dress because they want to dress that way b/c they think they look good and no one should be telling them how to dress. and if a guy is looking at places he shouldn't be looking at, well that's his fault for being a "perv."

girls, that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard (no offense, i still love you as a sister, no doubt). from all the trusted guys i know, it's not entirely their fault. we shouldn't even be bringing in the temptation in the first place. be wise, please.

okay, i'm done. actually i'm not, but i think i've said enough for today...=D

are christian bands really christian?

2006-08-17T12:14:00.000-07:00

i'm a big fan of a lot of bands out there that say that they're christian. their words are positive compared to most contemporary music artists of today. however, some of them, while they say they are christian, i'm kind of hesitant to embrace their claims.

for instance, superchick. i like their music, no doubt, but as i was listening to one of their songs, it made me wonder what their purpose was as a Christian band.

I wear a disguise
I'm just your average jane
The super doesn't stand for model
But that doesn't mean I'm plain
If all you see is how I look
You miss the superchick within
And I christen you titanic underestimate and swim
I've got the rifle gonna be myself
I've got the rifle gonna be myself
I've got the rifle gonna be myself
I've got the rifle gonna be myself

(CHORUS)
I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world

And I'm a one girl revolution (x3)

Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone...

(CHORUS)
I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world...

And I'm a one girl revolution (x3)

I'm a one girl revolution

I'm a one girl revolution

And I'm a one girl revolution

(CHORUS)
I'll be everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world

(CHORUS)
everything that I want to be
I am confidence in insecurity
I am a voice yet waiting to be heard
I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world

most of superchick's songs have to do with going against the grains of post-modern society. their theme seems to be "we're christian, we're supposed to be different." their songs like "me against the world" and "one girl revolution" (above) are prime examples. however, if one examines those lyrics it seems more like "if i have faith in myself, i can do it" instead of "if i have faith in God and depend on his strength, i can do it."

they've done great songs like "holy moment" and "we live" however, superchick is mostly known for their songs like the one above. i'm pretty sure they weren't going for the whole "i'm going to depend only on myself" mentality, but personally, i think it would have been better if they had put that somewhere in their songs. i guess my point is, can God honestly be glorified through "one girl revolution"? personally, i dont' think so

which brings me to another point. if bands are going to call themselves christian bands, they have to take into account that the music they write is solely for the purpose of glorifying God, and hopefully it will go further to bless other people. so, when the go to concerts, is the concert going to be worship or is it going to be "hey look at how musically talented we are!"? "is God pleased by my performance?" or "did the audience like it?"

like switchfoot. what makes them so popular among the secular audience? their themes are christian themes, yet not many of their songs mention "God" or "Jesus" or preach for that matter. when people hear their songs, are they going to worship God or are they going to be in awe of their talent?

i think i'm being a bit judgemental, but it bears a bit of truth, does it not?

modesty from the perspective of a guy

2006-08-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

as i was checking out my xanga subscription, my brother (as in brother in Christ) has written a post that i'm sure all guys will appreciate and all girls will take to heart.

just so you know, this is one of the most (if not, the most) purest guys i know.

praying to the saints

2006-08-11T00:36:00.000-07:00

before my friend left for SF, i hung out with her and i met one of her friends from grad school

he's catholic, and for some reason we got into a discussion about how roman catholics pray to the saints. my friend and i were pretty confused at first. if we can all come to God then why must we have a saint? wouldn't it be like worshipping the saint? thinking that saint has some sort of power to grant your requests?

he said that they don't worship them perse, but they think it's easier to pray to a saint. the saint doesn't have any powers, but they're really close to God. he proceeded to give an analogy of someone who finds it easier to talk to a middle man instead of approaching the head honcho.

i wanted to say something but restrained myself because 1) i just met him and 2) it sounded pretty mean.

i was about to say something like "so do you guys feel that you can't come to God because you don't feel good enough to approach Him?"

and it's not like i was judging the guy. another one of my friends had recently posted something about that very matter. (i'm not sure if he wants his blog advertised here, so i'm just going to copy and paste what he wrote).

COME TO ME ALL WHO ARE WEARY

We think we cannot come to God. Of course, we wouldn't admit it out loud, and if someone pressed us, we would say something like "I can! I know! It's just that ... I don't feel like it right now."

We want to make sure we're in a certain position before we go to God ... a right mood, a right way of thinking, a right lifestyle, a right attitude, a right heart, perhaps.

But God wants us right now.

Come to his presence right here. Don't wait. Come to him, dirty, bored, empty, sinful, angry, angsty, confused ... even if we don't particularly feel like seeing him, even if we may be scared of what he has to say to us or think about us.

Come to him and listen carefully ... Let his restoring wind rush into our spirits ... Hear the whispers of God telling us that he loves us, just as we are. Feel his great pleasure that we are with him (isn't it amazing, that we can bring God pleasure by simply choosing to be with him?).

But when we don't come to him, when we restrain ourselves and hide ourselves from him, we become strangers to God. What we may not realize is that we become strangers even to ourselves, and after awhile, no longer even know who we are.

so this brings me back to question, do roman catholics pray to a saint because they feel like they cannot face God? i find this person's analogy to be pretty flawed. people talk to the middle man instead of talking to the CEO not totally because it's easier to talk to the middle man, but the availability of the head guy is rare. with God it's different. he's available 24/7/365. every hour of every moment. he's listening. i can understand though. coming to a saint is easier than coming to God because it's not as humbling, but that's the whole point right? when we come before God, our sins are that much more magnified. we come before Him to confess our sins, to implore, to praise. honestly, i don't see how a saint can convict us of anything. praying isn't supposed to be easy. pleasureable, i can see, but not easy.

tagged

2006-08-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

I didn't think I'd ever do a tag on this thing, but mcshoo has tagged me, and I "must."

1. One book that changed your life (other than the Bible):

My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. This book has convicted me to give more than what I had been giving (which was practically nothing) to God. It made me want my desires to be the desires of God's heart. It has taught me so many other things too. God has granted him with so much wisdom. i've linked the online version.

2. One book you've read more than once:

Philippians. I usually don't read books more than once unless they're in the Bible. Philippians just so happens to be my most favorite one.

3. One book you'd want on a Desert Island:

I think the Bible will suffice.

4. One book that made you laugh:

Amelia Bedelia. Man, what a kook! =D

5. One book that made you cry (or feel really sad):

A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado. It just showed me how a unloving I was (and still am).

6. One book that you wish had been written:

How to read Leviticus without going to sleep.

7. One book that you wish had never been written:

Medea by Euripides. Actually, it's a play, but it should never have been written. A crazy woman brutally murdering everyone AND getting away with it.

8. One Book You're Currently Reading:

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and Malpsychia by Joyce Milton. I'm almost finished with Mere Christianity, and I started Malpsychia, but my sister took it from me and won't let me finish until she's finished with it. She even hid it so i wouldn't be able to read it while she's a school. I don't get it either.

9. One Book you've been meaning to read:

Knowing God by J.I. Packer

10. Now tag five people:

i don't know five people to tag....b/c quite frankly, i don't know more than 2 people that know me who read this blog that blog also. (wow that's a lot of criteria)

so i'm just going to do one

1. newmatic

c'mon bro, make me feel special! =D

reads

2006-08-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

i've read some pretty good things these days. just thought i'd do something like my friend mcshoo and advertise them. =D

we have a new blogger, newmatic. he's only posted once, but a good post to start with nonetheless. let's hope he blogs more (*hint*hint*)

and my buddy loocie wrote a nice reminder on how knowledge without love puffs up.

mcshoo has also been writing a series of posts on the topic of "crowns." very interesting stuff.

oh and be praying for the conflicts in the middle east. it's so depressing.

i like sharing time

2006-07-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

i'm at this point in my life where i feel like i'm doing nothing. i dont' want to waste my life, but i don't know what to use it on. i'm ready to do whatever God wants me to do. I am eager to fulfill His will. If I need training, I'll go through it. Whatever! God just give me something to do!

and so with that attitude of mine, i feel like God is doing nothing in my life. (well, i can't say NOTHING.) i realize that i have to take life one step at a time while putting full dependence in God with each and every step. but i guess i want life to go faster. i want to take leaps and bounds and know where i'm going to be in the next several years. but no...that's not God's way. i guess it's because i'm expecting BIG things, and all i'm getting are the "small" things. bad me, i know.

but tonight was testimony night at journey, and just to know that God is working in GREAT, BIG, and MIGHTY ways in other people's lives is quite amazing. whether it's through brokenness or answered prayers. yes, i'm a little jealous, but hey, whatever gives God glory deserves a hallelujah and an amen.

Proverbs 31: 15-19 (NASB)

2006-07-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

15She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.

She knows the importance of time, so she doesn't waste it. This verse also convicted me to not waste my time doing something that doesn't glorify the Lord. Again, we also see that she is caring for others because in the wee hours of the morning she's preparing them breakfast. We also see here that she is a good leader and delegates responsibilities to her servant girls. Portions in this context means tasks rather than food portions although it can mean that also.

16She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

When one considers something he/she thinks about all the pros and cons of that product. With many women these days, they buy something b/c it looks cute and then has no use for it, but this woman thinks about how this product (in this case, land) is beneficial to her. When she finds this land worthy of buying, she invests in it with her own money. So, in case that the investment may fail, it does not affect the rest of the family. It's interesting that she chose to plant a vineyard as opposed to a wheat field or something of the like. I suppose it's b/c wine and grapes seem to have more uses than wheat. wine is used for medicine, drinking, and grapes make good food.

17She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.

Not only is she mentally sharp, but she is physically fit. i think of rose the riveter again with the flexed bicep, but i don't think that's what the psalmist was going for. I believe that she is strong and physically fit because this means that she can be prepared for anything. If a wild animal were to come and try and destroy her field, she would be fit enough to ward off the enemy.

18She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.

She's proud of her work, and not proud as in a boastful sense, but kind of like how God saw that His creation was good. Again, we see that she is prepared because if something were to happen at night, she has her lamp ready to use to see what's going on. Also, a lamp doesn't go out because some people are still out after dark, so it's a guiding light also. i'm not sure if it's a metaphor for her being a guiding light in the sense that she can give good advice.

19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.

After knowing the art of making thread, it takes a lot of attention to detail and skill. So, she is detail oriented and skilled! hahaha. i'm not saying that we should all go out and try and find a distaff and spindle and make our own thread. i don't believe that this is what the psalm is trying to get at, but i suppose it means that we should use our spiritual gifts.

as far as my application goes, i'm trying to be more detailed oriented. with a lot of things i don't do a horrible job, but i don't put a lot of my effort in it. it's more in my school work than it is in anything else. so, we'll see how i apply this a year from now. just kidding. i don't have much to do for the rest of the month and august. hopefully i'll use that time doing more productive things.

power of play

2006-07-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

this is more of a post on child development rather than religion, but it's good nonetheless.

i've heard some people that are against VBS, and their reasons seem valid

see, they say that VBS has too much focus on the games, coloring, and music, when there should be more focus on the bible stories.

i can understand this with the elementary school kids. at basic life principles (bill gothard vbs), it's more like that. (i'm not saying that i support bill gothard 100%. while some of his teachings have nothing to do with the bible (ie rock music, homeschooling, and the like), he does have some good stuff) however, i must say that it bores the elementary age kids to death. how do we make it exciting? i don't know. most kids are already desensitized to TV and all that junk. it'd be nice if all kids could be as passionate about the word and spiritually mature, but most aren't.

however with 3,4,5 year olds, they just don't understand just yet, and no matter what you say, it will not register in their heads. you can try and teach a 5 year old the law on conservation, but no matter what you do, they will not understand it until their brains are ready. so, with that age, it is necessary to give them the chance to develop moral behavior, and what better way to do that than to do it through fun games and play?

i believe that many parents (esp asain parents) do not understand the importance of play. it is the best way to learn both intellectually and morally. it is through play that most kids understand scientific concepts and math skills, but they also learn social skills. might i add that social skills is much more important at that age than intellectual skills (no doubt intellectual skills are important). if children do not develop good social skills at a younger age, they wil most likely develop anti-social skills later in life. i'm sure we all know that there are so many smart people in the world that waste their life because they don't know how to interact and communicate with other people. most people don't give much credit to small children and their ability to learn.

wasting life

2006-07-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

so i spent this past week in south padre island with my godparents and their son. i got to know them pretty well on this trip.

i don't know my godfamily very well b/c i spent most of my life in a different state/country.

in getting to know them, i found out some things about my godfather and godbrother. the things they talked about a lot were things like money...well that was the basic root of their conversations. how do you make money. how did other people make money. who bought what house and how it appreciated. they talked about retirement and vacation homes, and i'm sitting there listening to their conversations trying to understand what makes this all so interesting (these things bore me to no end).

another thing is that my godfather and godbrother don't really feel the need or want to step up into leadership roles in the church. so, basically they just go to church and hang out with people and that would be the end of it. talking about God and theology were only things they talked about with Christian friends at a certain time (ie fellowship or sunday school...if they went to sunday school). they're not "religoius."

this week, i also read John 15, the vine and branches passage. it basically says that if we dont' abide in Christ then we will not bear fruit, and when we don't bear fruit, then we'll just be cut off. we're useless.

so with some things that i found out about my godfather and godbrother and upon reading this passage, i realize that i don't want to waste my life like that. i want God to use me in such a way that it will really impact the advancement of His kingdom. i don't need this world. i don't need to talk about all these frivolous stuff. i don't care about that. i care about what God wants from me and fulfilling that will.

i don't know how my godmother deals with it. i can tell that she is not really happy with the way that her son and her husband don't seem to care about making Christ the Lord of their lives. i can tell that she's worried about their spiritual health.

i guess just be praying for them.

Proverbs 31:10-14 (NASB)

2006-07-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

As requested by McShoo, verse by verse!

10An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

The Hebrew word for "excellent" is chayil. it's synonymous with strength, might, wealth, army, ability, & efficiency. normally, i wouldn't want to compare a woman to an army because then i'd think of rosie the riveter or some body building woman (no offense, i think it's a big gross), but that's besides the point. so, a worthy woman is excellent in that she is strong, powerful, but i believe that in this passage it means more of a strength in spirit rather than a physical strength (not like body builder buff). and it says "who can find?" this phrase depicts rarity, that a worthy woman, an excellent wife, is rare and priceless, which is shown in the next line: "For her worth is far above jewels." a cross reference to this verse is proverbs 12:4

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones."

we see here that she also "is the crown of her husband." crowns show honor, glory, and authority. so, she, in a sense, glorifies & honors her husband. we see something similar in v 12. if she's the complete opposite, then she's just a woman who is a cancerous disease and causes pain.

So, to break it down, a worthy woman is strong, mighty, and spiritually wealthy (excellent), rare, priceless, and honoring to her husband.

11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

My friend said that she found it interesting that it says "the heart of her husband" rather than just a mere "her husband." She stated that it's hard to fool your heart. usually, deep down inside, you know what's going on. the heart is also used to depict the center, the driving force of the human being. when you put your heart into something, you're putting your all into something. so in a sense, with all his being, he can trust her with anything. their relationship is based on trust. and in addition to her trustworthiness, "he will have no lack of gain." he is less without her. together they are better people.

12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

"does" can be used as "reward" or "deal bountifully." i neglected to jot down the hebrew word for it, but that's what it essentially means. and "good" is not just any good. it is also synonymous with prosperity and happiness. she rewards him with prosperity and happiness all the days of her life. "all" means all, everything, the whole. and not the days of his life, the days of her life. so, with these words, we can conclude that even when the wife outlives her husband, she is still faithful.

so, she is selfless and committed. (i feel like that that is an understatement...)

13She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.

in the NIV, it says that she "selects" wool and flax. so, we can say that she picks out the best. wool and flax are raw materials for clothing, so she also covers her husband and family "with delight." she is eager and happy to do such work. and since she "works with her hands in delight" she has a good attitude towards her work and is diligent and not idle.

she is selective, diligent, and with good attitude.

14She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

a cross reference we found to this verse was ezekiel 27:25

"The ships of Tarshish were the carriers for your merchandise.
And you were filled and were very glorious
In the heart of the seas."

i guess what they're trying to say here is that it's better if you're filled (or how our sm grp termed it "fully loaded"). filled with what? i'm not sure....everything good? merchant ships have also been to many places and bring news. so, in this sense, we can assume that this woman is intelligent and cultured. it also says that "she brings her food from afar." she would go the distance to bring food to her home.

so she's "fully loaded" (hahaha), intelligent, cultured, one that goes beyond.

okay so, that's pretty much what we did....there's more characteristics that we came up with, but quite honestly, i kind of forgot how we got those conclusions. i guess i'll figure that out later. as far as myself, i'm trying to be more selfless and honoring to God (b/c i have no b/f or husband just yet hahaha). so much from just 5 verses...goodness.

abilities

2006-07-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

i can't say that i've been thinking about this a lot, but the thought just came to me.

yesterday, i led worship with allan, and i don't know why, but i felt nervous. what happens when he's not singing/playing with me? i believe that i would be twice as nervous as i felt yesterday.

i really thought i had the musical ability to do this, but for a moment, i think God was about to take that away from me. (once i get really nervous, i start to mess up..a lot). see, yesterday, allan was hiding all my mistakes, and i was playing more to accompany him rather than strumming (so, basically, i wasn't doing much...).

then i remember that it's not because of my abilities that i can lead others to worship Him, but His strength that gives me the ability to do that.

May God use me mightily to bring glory to Himself.

in Christ alone....

dependence

2006-07-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

lately i've been wondering what the rest of my life would be like. graduate school? teaching in america? teaching in a foreign country? which country? full-time ministry? in what area? married? single?

i'm bombarded by random ideas of what to do with the future ahead of me.

a couple of weeks ago, my mother jokes around with me saying something like, "Cindy! you should think about teaching english in taiwan! your uncle has some money he has no clue what to do with and some office space he never uses. you can do some evangelism on the side too." (my uncle is not a Christian, so if i were to make this a Christian school, i doubt my uncle would want to fund it. if he did, he would want to control what i would be allowed to do. that's why my mom said "on the side.")

i'm kind of excited about doing something like that; although, i don't know the first thing about school administration. that idea has been stuck in my head ever since my mother mentioned it to me. it is with something like this that i am willing to put all dependence in God for.

but then there's the prospect of marriage/singleness. being single for my entire life with no guy ever expressing interest in dating me, i can't help but think that God may want me to be single for the rest of my life. am i okay with that? of course, being used to the "single scene" i should be, right? but for some reason, i'm not that okay with it. i want experience dating, marriage, and family. i realize that i just ended my second decade and that i have a long way to go, but these things just pop in my head.

and when things like this come up in my mind, depending on God just doesn't want to fit in the picture. what if God tells me to do something i do not want?

God "ruins" people's lives for His glory. i'm pretty sure that if God wants something from me that i do not want to give up but i do, He'll make it even more glorious for Himself.

pleasing to God

2006-06-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

"may the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing to You, my God."

i have been noticing that i say the right words, and my head knowledge is vast, but the meditations of my heart are different than the the words i say and the things i know. i find myself struggling with giving Jesus my undivided attention. i struggle with my uncertainties. what am i to do in the future, God? where do you want me to go? who (if there's anyone) do you want me to go with?

actually i've been like this ever since i could walk, talk, and comprehend.

it's amazing that even when i continue to struggle in the same exact sins from long ago that God is still able to look upon me with love.

2006-06-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

So, about a year ago, i said that my sm grp was going to study proverbs 31, but for some reason we didn't. but we're doing it this summer.

Proverbs 31:10-31 (NASB)

Description of a Worthy Woman

10An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
14She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
15She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
18She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
20She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

i must confess, a lot of this looks cryptic to me. i hope God will reveal to me many truths from this passage. meh, i know He will. hahaha. so, be expecting my thoughts on this passage this summer, and join in too! =D hahahahaha (i feel in a laughing mood today for some reason).

leading worship III

2006-06-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

i met with allan again yesterday. ( i have to be careful on what i say now. he reads this thing!! hahahaha)

he talked about giving the set some shape. like putting songs in certain order, and making sure it has some shape to it.

now i had an idea that worship sets take preparation and thought, but shape to the set?? i never thought THAT far. i would've just chosen songs and played them in whatever order that i printed the songs out.

1) the set shouldn't be a succession of fast and slow songs one after the other. i believe he said it shouldn't be like a sinusoidal wave.
2) the set should end in a mood that is up to you or you could ask the speaker of the day if he/she wants a certain mood for the congregation to be in
3) the set should start in a mood that is up to you. if you want them to meditate on a certain aspect of God or a passage, start slow and soft. if you want them to feel upbeat, then start with a faster, upbeat song.

i'm sure there's more but that's all i could remember for now.

christian joking II

2006-06-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

i agree with everyone. it depends a lot on who you're with. if you feel that this joke will make other people look at Christ differently, different than who He is, then it's best that you don't say it.

but mxu brought up a pretty good point. your conscience has a lot to do with it too. if you feel like this will not glorify God, then don't say it.

christian joking

2006-06-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

of course Christians can joke around, otherwise, we'd be a bunch of boring people, who wants to be around boring people??

but how far can we go? take example one,

did you know that they had cars back in the day of the early church? yea, they were all in one accord.

heh...

or...

one day a child was in sunday school class drawing, and he drew a picture of 4 people in a plane. The teacher asked him what they were doing, and the boy replied, "they're going to bethlehem." "oh?" the teacher replied. "Yea, there's baby Jesus, Joseph, Mary, and Potius the pilot." (Pilate)

cute, huh? but what about something like this?

now, i haven't seen it, but the three guys, as far as i know aren't christians. I first knew about these guys when i came across their "the complete works of shakespeare: abridged." but what if christians made jokes like that? joking about God's sovereignty and control. God's omniscience and omnipotence. i say it's too far, but i hear people that i know who say that they are christians joke about these things. does God find some of the jokes we make funny? i know that making fun of God's great attributes are wrong, but what about something like the two jokes above or something more controversial than that (but not as bad as the reduced shakespeare company).

thoughts?

leading worship II

2006-06-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

lately i've been meeting with my friend allan for worship training.

John 4:20-26 (NASB)

20"Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship."

21Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father.

22"You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews.

23"But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers.

24"God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."

25The woman said to Him, "I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us."

26Jesus said to her, "I who speak to you am He."

The context of this passage is Jesus is speaking to the woman at the well, and the emphasized verses pertain to what God has been teaching me through these training sessions.

The reason Allan used this passage was to show that as song leaders, we have to choose song that we ourselves can worship with. Because if we cannot worship the Lord with our whole hearts in these songs, then we cannot effectively lead others in worshiping the Lord. The verse also mentions that not only in spirit but in truth. Some people have a problem with certain songs, not to say that the artist is a heretic or not right, but sometimes the words they choose may communicate another meaning to someone else.

for example, "i've found Jesus."

I've Found Jesus

Well I hear they're singing in the streets that
Jesus is alive
And all creation shouts aloud that
Jesus is alive
Now surely we can all be changed 'cos
Jesus is alive
And everybody here can know that
Jesus is alive

And I will live for all my days
To raise a banner of truth and light
To sing about my saviours love
And the best thing that happened
It was the day I met you

I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus

Well I feel like dancing in the street 'cos
Jesus is alive
To join with all who celebrate that
Jesus is alive
Well the joy of God is in this town 'cos
Jesus is alive
For everybody's seen the truth that
Jesus is alive

And I will live for all my days
To raise a banner of truth and light
To sing about my saviours love
And the best thing that happened
It was the day I met you

I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus
I've found Jesus

Well you lifted me from where I was
Set my feet upon a rock
Humbled that you even knew about me
Now I have chosen to believe
Believing that you've chosen me
I was lost but now I've found...

The song communicates and happiness and joy of being with Jesus after a long period of time without His prescence. but some people have a problem with this song because it communicates to them that it's people who find Jesus, not Jesus that finds the lost. Although the last line admits that 'I am lost,' but after that it says 'now i've found.' to me that doesn't make sense. i'm lost and now i've found Jesus? It's like misquoting amazing grace. it's i am found not i've found. now most of us know that the artist did not want to communicate that sort of message, but some people kind of get a different idea.

Now it also doesn't do any good to the congregation if they're singing a song that they don't understand, even if it is theologically sound. the older hymns were written by theologians, but a lot of the words are made up of older english words like 'thee,' 'thou,' and includes biblical references like 'here i raise my ebeneezer.' if someone didn't know the context of that, they might be wondering why someone included charles dicken's Christmas Carol character. here i raise my stinginess?? (hahaha) to read its context go here. now which songs are theologically sound or not, that's another discussion to be discussed later.

Now if there's a theme with a particular service, it's best to get this info asap b/c it's best for you to meditate on the subject and choose appropriate songs.

So basically, preparedness is essential to be able to lead others (and yourself) to worship in spirit and truth.

The thing is, when i was in youth group, i think that was the thing that we as a youth group team lacked in. maybe it was school or whatever, but I felt like we were more into the music than we were into the words (or maybe it was just me). and the thing was was that sometimes people would come late, and the leaders (which were my peers) seemed to be okay with it. i think it was also because we were always caught up in the music. we had talented people no doubt, but i don't think we (or at least I) had time to reflect on the words because we didn't know that the set was until the day of.

come to think of it, i appreciate it when leaders inform the other people on the team the songs so that we can reflect on the song. i guess that's why we have practice on thursdays before sunday service so that we have the weekend to contemplate. i confess that i don't take that opportunity (mostly because i just thought of it now).

so, hopefully this will help those who are thinking about being or are worship song leaders. i'm still learning. i'll always will. worship is a lifestyle, not just in song. true worshipers worship in spirit and in truth.

leading worship

2006-06-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

i have a hard time when it comes to leading worship especially in music. i remember serving on the music team in youth group and worship service, and it used to be all about my performance. it took me a very long time to take the focus off myself for a least a moment. it took concentration...a lot of it. but it's natural for any human, but that doesn't make it right..

i used to lead worship in music at my highschool fellowship, but looking back, i was only concerned with how i sounded and how i looked and how i did. it was never about worshipping God with those in the room with me. and come to think of it, i don't think the fellowship itself was very pleasing to God.

i guess that's why i've always been reluctant when it came to leading worship for anything. and not like being part of the music group, but like leading the group too. (which is something i don't have a lot (or if any) experience in).

but i realized that you get nothing done for God with this type of fear. the leaders in the fellowship i attend think i'm up for it, and i'm going to train with a friend of mine this summer. i'm still scared that i'll be that girl in my highschool fellowship all over again... i guess just pray that i won't be just a musician but a worship leader.

random

2006-06-04T17:11:00.000-07:00

so i got back from a week or so long vacation from the canadian rockies. beautiful place, true testament to God's hand in creation

on the trip, i had random thoughts about stuff.

on modesty:

i wrote a small entry on modesty, but i started to think more about it....after hearing replies from my guy friends about it, i thought, come to think of it guys don't tell girls about how much they stumble when they wear certain types of clothes.

and rightly so

i mean, how embarassing is it for a guy to tell a girl that her spaghetti strapped top is giving them thoughts that they'd rather not have? but girls, i tell you, even though you have no clue what they're thinking (and that's really good b/c i really wouldn't want to know what is in their heads), when you wear something as "simple" as a camisole, guys you wouldn't expect would have thoughts going on in their heads.

on roman catholicism:

i may be being ignorant here...

i get the impression that some catholics try and figure out what they have to do when a sin is committed. like...how many hail mary's they have to say to be forgiven for a particular sin. just like all other religions, good negates bad. it's not that way. God does not grade goodness on a curve. one wrong, all wrong.

on luke 24:

so, today in church, we had a guest speaker from taiwan. he spoke on the story of the two men that walked to emaus (sp?).

essentially they walked 7 mi w/o recognizing Jesus, and the preacher said," how long will it take for you to recognize Jesus? 2mi? 5mi? 8mi? 80mi?" Praise God, He opened my eyes.

second year thoughts

2006-05-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

i am currently in my room waiting for the time for me to leave to arrive. so, since i did some first year thoughts, i thought i'd do some second year thoughts.

i suppose my social life has improved. i have definately met more people.

my spiritual life has also improved in that my spiritual life is very much a part of the other parts of my life. I have been trying to figure out what it means to be a good witness among non-believers, and I am diving into the Word more than I ever have. Praise God.

the burden of my heart this second year has been being a good witness among non-believers, namely my frisbee team. some wrongs things i have done is not being bold enough thinking that my actions and my words would do the trick. another thing is that i tried doing this all by myself. granted i'm not the only christian on the team, but for lack of a better term, i am the only mature christian on my team (the ones i know of aren't very serious about their faith). every prayer request in sm grp was about them and i have even shed tears over the fact that they aren't responding the way i wanted to, but God is still good. God has revealed to me that it is only his Holy Spirit that can change their hearts.

While that is still true, I still feel some sort of guilt for not being bold and courageous and taking every opportunity i have to witness. What do i say when they want to smoke a cigarette? What do i say when they swear? What do i say when they talk about smoking weed or doing other drugs? What do i say when they make remarks that offensive? do i keep silent? or do i say something?

something inside me doesn't want them to hate me or avoid me because i care about them, yet another part inside me wants to give it to them straight in their face of what they're doing to God and themselves.

I have found myself being more complacent when it comes to school, though. i suppose this is because i am overconfident about my grades. But God is just, and because of my complacency, i will have to deal with 2 Bs this semester as a worst case scenario (one being a B b/c of my carelessness in my attendence record).

in one of my classes, i had taken my final the week before finals were supposed to be given, but my teacher said that we still had to come to class on our designated final day and that she was going to count it as attendence. we are allowed 2 abscences, and that's what i had before that final day, which makes it 3 if i missed the final day. i was under the impression that it was on wednesday and not on monday, but it was not it and by the time i found out it was too late. when you miss more than 2 classes, the teacher will count of 5 points off your grade, and anything below a 92% is a B.

this makes me sad, but i have comes to terms that it is what i deserve.

i've also contemplating on different aspects of my future, like my future education and family.

i've narrowed done some prospective graduate schools, but i won't start applying for them until i've had some experience in the field. Some topics were just early childhood ed or psycholinguistics (language acquisition). i'm leaning toward the latter rather than the former. i've also been thinking about seminary after graduate school; however, i think this will only take into effect if i become a tentmaker or full-time ministry in some other capacity.

as far as family is concerned, i am thinking whether to stay single or think about dating. dating someone was not something that i concerned myself with all throughout high school, and i thought that it would behoove me not to date until i was mature enough, which i projected would be my soph year in college. i'm not saying that i'm going to stick to one decision and not change it later. of course it's going to change later because it's Jesus commanding my life, not me. however, i've just been entertaining the idea of being celibate. does God wants to use me in ways that married/dating people can't be used in for the rest of my life or vice versa?

something i need to work on is definately prayer. i really don't know how to pray. my mind wanders, and my thoughts are going everywhere when i pray. i hear prayer is a discipline, and i do not doubt that for a minute. however, the first step to improving anything is to acknowledge my weaknesses.

another thing is how to truly surrender everything to God. I can say the words, but things are always easier said than done. How can i tell God that i surrender everything to him and yet still have those worries still running through my head?

my roommate situation this year has been a great and yet somewhat not so great. She is honest and encouraging, but the things that aren't so great were minor things like country music and blow drying her hair when i'm trying to sleep. But i see a great difference from the beginning of the year to now. At the beginning of the year, all i remember her doing is aruging with her ex-bf. He was truly a hindrance to her spiritual life. After they broke up, she has grown so much. I might have mentioned that much of her spiritual insight has come from books rather than the word, but last week, i gave her some material on how to do an inductive bible study. i hope that she will use it and the God will speak to her in much better ways than from those second hand books. Praise God.

philippians 4:6-7

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Amen...

modesty

2006-05-05T13:46:00.000-07:00

so, i was browsing around, and i found joshua harris's blog. i'm not sure if he's the same guy that wrote i kissed dating goodbye, but it seems like it.

so he referenced a blog by girltalk about girls wearing modest clothes at their own wedding. being a girl, i never really thought about it, probably because i'm not one to wear unmodest attire.

but this is a subject that goes farther than just weddings (i'm sure you will agree). maybe not so much at church (well, at least mine), but maybe at church functions like youth group activities or picnics. but even in secular settings like prom.

i went to prom, and i wore something that was modest (long skirt and a top that had sleeves), and as i compared myself to my peers at the dance, i found myself looking very similar to the mormons that i knew of at school. now, i'm not mormon, but it's sad that i was the only christian who wasn't a mormon that decided to dress more modestly than my other christian girl peers. now i realize that my figure is probably not as attractive as others and that it's b/c of that that i decided to dress modestly (and probably the reason that i went by myself j/k), but even if i were, it's still not right to dress immodestly.

but the thing is, i'm not sure how to help some of my sisters understand the importance of modesty. i could tell them that it makes their brothers stumble, but their response would probably be," keep up with the times, cindy! they're not going to. they're probably used to it by now." but are boys really "immune" to immodest clothing that girls wear these days? granted, i don't know, and i don't want to know what goes on in a guy's head, but i am inclined to believe that it's not true that boys are" immune" to it.

now i'm not going to ask girls to think "what would Jesus wear?" but just think, if Jesus were around you, would you wear such attire? now i'm not asking people to wear clothes that came out of "little house on the prairie" either. just use good judgement.

sheltered

2006-05-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

ah...the age old parenting question...

should we shelter our children from all the horrible things that actually happen in the world?

of course any parent wouldn't want their kid exposed to them. like they don't want their children to live in low socio-economic status and have friends that smoke illegal substances, but it's important for them to be aware.

i can say with confidence that i was very sheltered. i hear from all of my classmates how they knew people with illegal substances and some horrible things that happen. i can't say that i knew much in high school. some of my music corp buddies would make fun of me for not knowing a 'standard' raunchy joke. with something like this, i take some pride that i don't know what some of the sexual innuendo out there mean. but what i don't take pride in is that fact that i was not aware enough of the serious problems that happen out there in the world. i knew they existed, but i didn't get any firsthand experience. i can only sympathize, but i want to empathize.

maybe i'm asking for something that i shouldn't be asking for...

2006-04-11T07:20:00.000-07:00

"The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again." Achilles from Troy

how does a Christian respond to that? i mean i know that achilles was referring to the gods that only exist within the pages of mythology, but how would we, as Christians that believe in a supreme God, respond to someone that prides in their temporal existence?

i have no clue. i'm looking for answers myself.

another thought...
people say that there is no truth...then why, why, why do we always have this inner thirst for it? why does that thirst exist?

60mph in a 50 mph zone

2006-04-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

just b/c you're driving 60mph without knowing that it's a 50mph zone does not mean that you're off the hook. the policeman is still going to pull you over.

the same is with life. just because you don't recognize Jesus as the commander over your life does not mean you're off the hook with God. you live in God's turf, and by default, you are to obey His rules because He's the supreme ruler. and it's not that God is a malevolent ruler, He's benevolent.

Some non-Christians say that Christians are hypocrites b/c they do this and that, but non-Christians are not any better. They think that they're strong enough to live without Jesus. they think that they are able to be 100% good. it's almost as if they think they are better than the christians...that almost seems hypocritical, n'est-ce pas? granted there are some Christians out there that give Christians a bad face, but most likely, they're probably not really Christians at all.

and then they say that God brings about pain and suffering to the innocent.

well 1) none of us are innocent 2) God doesn't plan for bad things to happen to relatively good people (or anyone else for that matter) 3) things happen, and it's b/c of the amt of sin that is in the world.

i'm not saying that anyone is less of a person if they are not Christians. i'm saying that every single person, Christian and non-Christian alike, is not perfect, and because of this, there is a need for Jesus so that we can be made perfect.

If you were God, would you trade heaven's throne for a cross to save those who have defiled your name, to those who ignore you or even hate you, to those who are imperfect and worthless?

that's the extent of God's love. despite our imperfections, He still thought it was worth the cost of His life to deliver us from sins from white lies to murder.

I believe that people compare their righteousness to the wrong people. If we did that, we come off as alright, maybe even great. However, if we compared ourselves to the holiness of God, we're practically all scum of the earth, but thanks be to God that he finds us worthy of His love.

will we believe?

2006-03-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

today i read matthew 10 and i was thinking...

Jesus told them to go into certain places and preach that the "kingdom of heaven is at hand." as i read that, i couldn't help but think...what if 12 dudes were to do that today? honestly, at first, i'd be kind of skeptical. well not kind of, i'd be very skeptical.

when the time comes when something like an angel comes among us and starts to tell us things as if he/she knows anything about us (in which, most likely does), how will we react?

i tell ya, we say that the pharisees had no faith, and they didn't, but can't you sort of sympathize with them? what if the same happened today? i'd be pretty freaked out, and think he/she was possessed by the devil.

but when the time comes for the second coming of jesus christ, i hope that all in the body of Christ would be receptive....

country club

2006-03-08T08:29:00.000-08:00

An analogy i came up while i was trying to go to sleep is that we're kinda like the people in debt up to our eyeballs, and yet we still try to get into the local country club.

The country club is for the people that can afford it. I know that the country club doesn't have a good reputation, but if it does have a good reputation, and if it inded were cool to join, those who can't afford it still can't join.

heaven's kinda like that. we're kidding ourselves if we think that just b/c our goods outweigh our bads that we can get into the celestial country club. our goods and bads aren't counted by net good. our goods do not negate our bads. our bads may be diluted, but they're still there. If i baked a cake, and there was some sort of gross impurity within it, even if it were a little bit, i wouldn't want to eat it...gross

that's how the human race is. we try to justify our sins with our goods....stop it, you're kidding yourself. you're kidding yourself that you're going to get into the country club with the little or none you have.

the good news is that, Jesus will let you in. all you have to do is to accept him, believe what he did for you, and you've got membership. it's not a membership you take lightly or for granted. be grateful by showing your gratitude. tell others about the great membership of God's country club.

(if this analogy is already taken, i promise, it came to my head! i didn't take it from you, if you're mad that i took your analogy and took it as my own)

the thing is, there's also hell. some people say that they're not afraid of hell, and that if God uses the concept of hell to scare them and to complying with His rules then He's a terrorist.

God's using every possible way to reveal Himself to the masses, and yet, no one seems to notice. If you wanted to reveal the truth to someone, and yet they keep rejecting you, would you use i t also? it's the blunt truth.

would you risk eternal separation with God for your comfort? would you risk eternal separation with God over a lie that you are content with?

i'm not saying you're not going to be satisfied with the truth, because you are going to be satisfied with the truth. You can't find a Christian that is not satisfied by Christ alone, and yet you find so many non-Christians that try to fill their God-shaped vacuum with things that'll never fit or fill it.

coming up next (or somewhere in the future):

grace is extended to everyone, yet faith is a spiritual gift given to certain people.

what do you think?

2005-12-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

no good reason to believe in God
God uses fear to get people to believe in him
If God is omniscient, then He created people knowing that they'd go to hell.

These are statements and questions that i've been bombarded with as i was talking to a new friend that just graduated from the philosophy department. I'm still trying to wrack my brain to answer these questions as coherently as possible.

Anyways, i think what people don't understand is the fallibility of the human race.

The thing that people these days don't understand is that sin a BIG BIG problem. It doesn't matter how many good things you've done or what you think is right or wrong, you've done something wrong. it's strange when people say, "God's the only one that can judge me," and yet they go on w/ life thinking that God thinks they're really good people when they're not sorry for a the bad things they've done.

Sin is just like the rotten egg in a cake. it's just an egg, and all the other ingredients might be perfect, but one rotten egg just ruins the entire thing. So, one sin, really really ruins yourself.

I guess that was pretty much the jist/gist of the winter retreat too. You're supposed to target your sins and kill them. Kinda like how medicine and your antibodies target the bad things.

As I was waiting for my sister to end her orthodontist appointment, i was reading a max lucado book that someone gave me for christmas. He says that you can't truly love without receiving anysort of forgiveness or love. "he who has been forgiven little, loves little." How can you love, if you've never been loved/forgiven? you'd had to have messed a lil bit to understand. the thing is, we've all messed up and we should make it up to God, it's just that, none of us really get there.

And then there are those that think they can love. they can muster up all they have and love.

" ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

now, try to put your name in replace of "love"

i'd stop after "patient." anyone who can love like 1 corinthians 13:4-7 is the ultimate lover, but honestly, who can but Jesus? we have to receive the love of God before we can truly be the ultimate lover

frisbee

2005-11-14T21:56:00.000-08:00

i've never really posted so often here, but i just HAD to share it

frisbee was created by a bunch of hippies pretty much. they all had this anti-disestablishment thing going on. what they call the "spirit of the game" is what makes ultimate frisbee what it is today.

almost everyone that i play frisbee with here at school has that sort of mind-set. most are liberal thinkers that go by the philosophy that "if it doesn't hurt anyone else, it's fine."

The moment that i have been praying for has arrived...

i finally got to share the gospel with some of them this evening....thank God I had another sister in Christ to back me up.

God is so great.

Well, it would've been greater if they had accepted right then, but i knew it would take much to change their hearts...

I shall continue praying for them. If you'd like to pray for me, and brothers or sisters in Christ that play frisbee with them, and esp those that don't accept the gift of God, that would be GREAT. Prayer is the best tool we have in advancing His kingdom!

Life

2005-11-13T15:47:00.000-08:00

i had no clue what to title this, and y'know when you blog, you always gotta have a title! =D

this past week, i was totally challenged to wake up earlier to study God's word. The passage that convicted me to do so was mark 1: 21-39

Jesus Drives Out an Evil Spirit

²¹They went to Capernaum, and when the Sabbath came, Jesus went into the synagogue and began to teach. ²²The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law. ²³Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an evil^[e] spirit cried out, ²⁴"What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!"

²⁵"Be quiet!" said Jesus sternly. "Come out of him!" ²⁶The evil spirit shook the man violently and came out of him with a shriek.

²⁷The people were all so amazed that they asked each other, "What is this? A new teaching—and with authority! He even gives orders to evil spirits and they obey him." ²⁸News about him spread quickly over the whole region of Galilee.

Jesus Heals Many

²⁹As soon as they left the synagogue, they went with James and John to the home of Simon and Andrew. ³⁰Simon's mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, and they told Jesus about her. ³¹So he went to her, took her hand and helped her up. The fever left her and she began to wait on them.

³²That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. ³³The whole town gathered at the door, ³⁴and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.

Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place

³⁵Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. ³⁶Simon and his companions went to look for him, ³⁷and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!"

³⁸Jesus replied, "Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come." ³⁹So he traveled throughout Galilee, preaching in their synagogues and driving out demons.

On the Sabbath, Jesus went to teach. not only did he do that, he healed, AND when he healed one, other people saw and wanted Him to heal them and others. imagine how tired Jesus must be!! Coye, the guy who spoke about this convicting passage, expressed how when he preaches on a sunday, all he wants to do when he gets home is turn on the football game and relax. Me, after a day of work/school, i just wanna sleep.

Jesus does something different. After being up healing and spending time with the townspeople, he woke up early and went to a solitary place to pray.

man.....

Coye also shared with us a story that explains how important it is to spend time w/ God in prayer. I mean I've known that it was important, i just never thought of it this way.

A man was on an airplane reading a book. The man next to him asked him what book he was reading. He showed him, and expressed that he's only halfway through and book and still doesn't have much of an idea as to what any of it means. The man next to him said that he read it before and told him that he could ask any questions. Well, tje man w/ the book asked all these questions and the man next to him seemed to know all the answers concerning this book. When the plane landed, the man w/ the book asked for the other man's card. The man gave it to him, and lo and behold, the man next to him was the author of the book...

in the same way, Christ is the author of our lives. He knows what's going on, what everything means, and anything and everything better than we do ourselves. If we just talk and spend time with the author, we'll understand our life much better.

what if you're wrong??

2005-11-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

in this day and age, truth is something that doesn't seem to exist anymore. everything seems to be mush of whatever...

but what if whatever you're thinking is wrong? what if all muslims were right? what if all jews were right? what if all atheists were right?

what if the Christians were right??

if you think about it, if the muslims, jews, atheists, and whatever other philosophy were wrong, the consequences of being wrong aren't that high, but with Chrisitianity....the consequences of being wrong are very very high. this is a matter of your soul....is it really worth the risk?

is being happy w/ what you're thinking in this lifetime worth it? is it worth risking your soul for? this is eternal separation from whatever is good we're talking about....ETERNAL, meaning FOREVER. is that what you want? is being wrong in your life on earth worth being happy even if it means being eternally condemned??

think on these things....

What if you're right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find?

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold?

You've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land for so long
But what if you?re wrong?

"what if" nichole nordeman

God doesn't need us

2005-10-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

Acts 17:24-25 (New American Standard Bible)

²⁴"The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands;

²⁵nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things;

John 17:24-26 (New American Standard Bible)

²⁴"Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.

²⁵"O righteous Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me;

²⁶and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that ^(I)the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them."

Ephesians 2:8-10 (New American Standard Bible)

⁸For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;

⁹not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

¹⁰For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

1 Corinthians 10:31 (New American Standard Bible)

³¹Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

these are the verses that Dr. Briggs shared with us to prove that God doesn't NEED us, but enables and let's us do things for His Glory. His Glory should be the only thing that we're concerned with in our lives. We shouldn't be worried about our inadequacy or our own glory because 1) doesn' t bring much eternal satisfaction 2) we're not worth praising ourselves.

John 9: 1-12 (NASB)

Healing the Man Born Blind

¹As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.

²And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?"

³Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

⁴"We must work the works of Him who sent Me as long as it is day; night is coming when no one can work.

⁵"While I am in the world, I am the Light of the world."

⁶When He had said this, He spat on the ground, and made clay of the spittle, and applied the clay to his eyes,

⁷and said to him, "Go, wash in the pool of Siloam" (which is translated, Sent) So he went away and washed, and came back seeing.

⁸Therefore the neighbors, and those who previously saw him as a beggar, were saying, "Is not this the one who used to sit and beg?"

⁹Others were saying, "This is he," still others were saying, "No, but he is like him." He kept saying, "I am the one."

¹⁰So they were saying to him, "How then were your eyes opened?"

¹¹He answered, "The man who is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes, and said to me, 'Go to Siloam and wash'; so I went away and washed, and I received sight."

¹²They said to him, "Where is He?" He said, "I do not know."

v2: Dr. Briggs brought up a point that truly convicted me. He said that the disciples were asking the wrong question. their question was "who sinned for him to deserve this?" Briggs said that this shouldn't be the question but rather "why wasn't I born blind?" In the same say we shouldnt' be asking "why is there only one way to God?" but rather "why is there even ANY way to be with God?"

v6: why does Jesus use clay (mud)? it's quite strange, isn't it? who would use mud to heal someone of anything? ...that's exactly the point. Jesus used the useless to create miracles to glorify Himself. In the same way, he uses us for his glory in places we feel inadequate, in places we feel like we're not needed.

It is because of this that we must share the COMPLETE gospel. not the just the good stuff that everyone can agree on. Briggs used an example of presenting the gospel to a buddhist. if you were to say that Jesus is God and that He did all these good things, that's just great. It's not going to change the buddhists' mind, in fact he'd probably make an idol in addition to his buddha. However, if you were to say that there is only ONE God and that all of their idols must be destroyed, that might be a bit hard for the buddhist to chew.

The gospel is not supposed to be easy to present or accept. Granted, it's truth, but w/ our human nature, it's hard to give up so much. Jesus doesn't only help, he SAVES. He's not a god, but THE God.

Sin is problem. Sin is the central problem that we must attack. To love Christ is to hate sin. Repentence is an action of that love.

1 corinthians 2 - what is true wisdom?

2005-09-15T22:14:00.000-07:00

well since i've written something about some of my pastor's thoughts on 1 corinthians 1, then i should try at 1 corinthians 2. i suppose i'll attempt a verse by verse study. all verses are in the new american standard bible unless otherwise noted. i've always wanted to say that, hahahaha =D.

v1-2
And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.

Paul is not one of those philosophers that the corinthians were so obsessed with. Back in the day, Corinth was this place where philosophy (like Plato and Aristotle) was a popular topic of choice. And Paul is admitting that he isn't one of them. He doesn't have to deep voice Morgan Freeman voice nor does he have that public speaking appeal, i guess. Like someone even fell asleep during one of his speeches.

v4-5
and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.

This is what truly divides Christianity from other religions. we are a "religion" of dependency on another (Christ). Most of the others depend on their own efforts for salvation whether it is through good works listed in their sacred text (or what they think is good in their mind) or giving their awe, attention, and worship to a nicely crafted statue.

Also, again, the Corinthians loved to listen to philosophers. It's very similar to what we're experiencing today. They all love to listen to psychologists to see what they think. If some educated dude says that whatever sins are actually totally okay, then the rest of the world will most likely take the doctor's word and totally ignore the "old" teachings of the Bible.

Paul is saying, men are fallible. the wisdom of men is definately not true wisdom. He later defines true wisdom.

v6-16
6Yet we do speak wisdom among those who are mature; a wisdom, however, not of this age nor of the rulers of this age, who are passing away;⁷but we speak God's wisdom in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God predestined before the ages to our glory;
⁸the wisdom which none of the rulers of this age has understood; for if they had understood it they would not have crucified the Lord of glory;

9but just as it is written,
"THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,
AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,
ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM."

¹⁰For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God.
¹¹For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God.
¹²Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God,
¹³which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.
¹⁴But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.
¹⁵But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one.
¹⁶For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ.

yea, I know it's long. oh well!

true wisdom lies within the Spirit. Oswald Chambers' devotional My Utmost for His Highest has a lot of entries on the topic of ridding one's natural self to gain the spirit of God. People today are so obsessed with knowing everything. knowing what's going on in the world, knowing the reasons behind everything, knowing who's dating who, knowing how things work. while many of that stuff is cool, there are just somethings that transcends all human understanding. no matter how much you look, how much you read and research, you'll never truly understand.

this chapter truly reminds me how small we are in this world. i can't know everything. no matter how much i read, i will not know the answers to all the questions. this doesn't mean i stop learning. this just means that i have to start depeding on Christ, the only reliable model to imitate. People go throughout life without a quest for truth. there is absolute truth out there. of course some things are relative, like opinions. for example, i can say that charis is the cutest child ever, but some others may beg to differ because people's tastes are different. however, the existence of God is not an opinion. the sinful nature of man is not an opinion. the need to depend on Christ is not an opinion. either the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, or it isn't. take your pick.

update - 1 corinthians 1 - living in an increasing secular society

2005-09-05T18:23:00.000-07:00

it's true, i haven't updated this thing in quite some time. part of the reason is because i really have no clue what to write. lately, i've been quite bitter about somethings that have happened in my life...well more like things that aren't happening, but i hope to God that it will subside soon.

i suppose i shall express what i'm bitter about...

everytime i look around, there's always someone that has a group of confidants to associate themself with. almost everyone i know has a "best friend." someone that can see right through them, and someone they can be totally and utterly authentic with. and people they spend almost every waking moment with. someone that would another comment that "they're joined at the hip." a best friend, if you will.

i have no trouble being authentic with people, and i don't have a problem with spending great amounts of time with someone.

the problem is, no one seems to want to do so with me.

i've been trying to figure out if i am truly in need of a friend like that, or if i'm just being selfish and discontent.

with my bitterness aside:

on sunday, our pastor (PJ=Pastor Jireh) shared how we, as Christians, should live in an increasing secular society, and he uses the Corinthian church as an example.

i suppose today's churches can be compared to them. i mean, we don't make use of temple prostitutes these days, but just like them, some members within the church are very immature...well everyone has their immature qualities, i suppose

today's church is labled to be "G.W./war lovin judgemental SOBs" (with much emphasis on judgemental) well, at least by a lot of people that i've come in contact with.

i don't know if that previous tidbit expressed how hopeless the corinthian church looked back then...they were acting in ways that the rest of the Greek world would wonder "how on earth are the Christians different from us?" And if you know the Greeks, you'd probably guess that the corinthian church acted just like them, and they probably did. if you'd walk into a greek temple for any god, most likely the same things would go on in a corinthian church.

the difference b/w the corinthian church back then and the one now is that the corinthian church pretty much embraced secular culture. in the church today, while there are many in the body that embrace secularism, many shun and instead of dealing with the problem with actions, they just judge it and condemn it with no action.

if i'm wrong and ignorant, sorry. that was my observation

Paul gives us ways to deal with the problem of secularism in the church.

in verse 4 he says:

I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus.

Instead of cursing God for the problem, thank Him for the problem. If I were to enter the environment of the corinthian church, i'd first think "WHAT ON EARTH?!?!?!?!" and then i'd probably complain at how horrible and devilish they are, but Paul says otherwise. Thank Him for the problem.

in verses 5-9:

⁵For in him you have been enriched in every way—in all your speaking and in all your knowledge— ⁶because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. ⁷Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. ⁸He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.

"therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed."

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

they don't lack any spiritual gift?!?!?!

that right there would be my first reaction. they bring worldly traditions into the church...and not just any worldly traditions might i add. AND THEY DON'T LACK ANY SPIRITUAL GIFT?!?!

this just goes to show that we have to look at the potential within other people. it's quite sad since i'm pursuing a career in education. i'd have to look at the potential in every single kid, even if the kid drives everyone nuts.

even if the Corinthian church wasn't as bad as i'm making it, there were still things going on in it that were quite problematic. their division (v12). they claim to follow different people. it's quite funny one would think that those who claim to follow "only Christ" are those that don't really believe in organized religion. "i follow on Christ, so whatever you (the pastor) have to say, i will not listen b/c you are no Christ!" y'know that type of attitude.

i can imagine these people getting into fistfights over these things, but that's just me running w/ my imagination.

PJ then asserts that unity is our purpose, not uniformity. i don't remember if he compared it to a passage in Corinthians, but that phrase makes sense, n'est-ce pas?

God made so many different things, and our minds all work in different ways. Of course we're going to have different thoughts about certain passages and have different opinions on interpretations (galatians 2 although, i don't know peter's rebuttal if he had one)

anyhow

these divisions were hurting the corinthian church immensly, and PJ gives us three (but not really limited to that much, just suggestions) ways to build unity within the church

picture the church as a family with a goal for spiritual maturity
picture the church as a field with the goal for fruitfulness
ex: evangelism
picture the church as a temple with the goal for quality
ex: obedience

well, i'll have stuff from my individual studies, but i really liked this sermon from sunday. it helped me so much in that it reminded me that i need to be positive in every aspect of my life, especially when i'm teaching. i can get judgmental quite quickly. i try hard not to, but then i end up judging anyways. for instance, my roommate has this bf and she tells me stories about him (mostly the bad ones cause they seem to be happening in recent times). i've never met him nor have i spent time with him. so without knowing many things, if someone were to ask me if he was a cool guy or not i'd say "well, i've never met him, so i can't say." but in my head i'm saying "geez, he's such a jerk."

this concludes my blog entry

a deviation

2005-06-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

i have been noticing that the content in these recent blog entries have not been too personal. it's just a place where i put thoughts on things such as philosophy and theology. with the exception of several entries in the beginning, i believe that the rest don't have much to do with my personal life. so, i decided to put a lil bit of what's going on

today commenced the small group bible study for the summer. it will be inductive. but it's going to be inductive over one chapter in proverbs (namely 31) and it will take the entire summer. i believe it will be quite hardcore. trying to dig up so many observations from one verse will be tough, and i believe that that is an understatement.

a thing that i have been lacking in my life is the prescence of accountability. i don't have people in my life keeping me accountable except for my family. and to me, their accountability is just mere nagging sometimes. i hope that in these times, this small group will hold me accountable to really dig deep (as i have almost always been a surface/big picture person) and work hard at it. i've read proverbs 31. so, it will be harder for me to dig deep. once i've read something i tend to say "been there done that" and close the book and go on and do other stuff.

i hope to look back on this and see how much i've changed and learned. i expect not to find a totally new person, of course, but i hope that my complacency in scripture study will diminish.

i have nothing....

2005-05-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

i've been listening to "Nothing Without You" written by Bebo Norman...a lot

it's been reminding me that self-worth isn't really a .... biblical thing. of course, feeling bad about yourself all the time..like depressed isn't really a good thing either, but thinking that we deserve this and that and all the things that our heart desires...well that's not so great either.

i suppose the thought of being a sinner isn't so much drilled into my head..possibly due to the fact that i've never really gone to jail or did illegal things. and then you have a gov't that tries to be "politically correct" so there are things that are wrong, but the gov't does nothing about.

i think that's the problem. our standards for moral perfection are so low because we compare ourselves with the rest of the world. instead, we should be comparing ourselves with the One that is the most perfect, Jesus Christ.

now when you think of it that way....i might as well go to jail for life and be nothing, but thank God for His grace and mercy. We shouldn't take advantage of it, but rather glorify Him with the life He's gracefully given to us because it is because of Him that we are something.

catholicism vs. protestantism II

2005-05-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

i don't know why i use protestant because the term kind of irks me, but oh well...

another thing i don't understand is the biblical basis of purgatory. i don't ever remember reading about it...maybe it's in those other books...

with our flesh, i can never ever see any of us going to either purgatory or heaven. is heaven even possible with catholic doctrine? possible at all?

and then there are people out there that think that they can "hail mary" their way out of several sins, and that would make them right with God. Maybe i'm just being all wrong about this....

y'know, i'm not quite sure about all of this....so i'm going to research and get back on this...

any suggestions on where to start?

first year thoughts

2005-05-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

usually i would do a first year or maybe end of something thought post on xanga. i'm going to do that here, and maybe i'll put it on xanga couple days after

my first year of my undergraduate education

some parts were frustrating. namely my social life. i've never really found a place where i belong. ASA wasn't much fun for me (sorry), UNO club was cool, but my classes kept being in the way, Ulitmate was cool, but the dirty jokes aren't. so, i can only say that i feel the most comfortable at...DCBC. don't know, i used to hate it there for so long. maybe it's b/c my peers are at their respective universities and not here. I find myself loving the company of 22+ year olds. and by "+" i mean like 22 to like the ol' seniors. I also find myself loving the company of anyone younger than my sister. and by that i mean from my sister's age to the tiniest baby. anyone around my age.....uuhh well for some reason we just don't really totally connect. but of course some ppl are the exception.

what was also frustrating about my social life is that i had a hard time communicating some important things w/ some people. exhibit #1, my first roommate. i have no clue what was wrong w/ her, but she never tells me her thoughts. mind you, she was my best friend in the 5th grade. she didn't tell me that she'd rather be at A&M than here at UNT. she also never told me of her plans to transfer out of here to go to a community college. i had to find that out from her friends.

however, the current roommate is quite lovely. i must say, she talked to me more than my first one did, and i just knew her. maybe that's why...hmm

i went to 2 parties this academic year. both of them were hosted by another school in dallas (SMU) at two different clubs. i just went to support my high school friend, ginger. both of them were okay, but i can't say i thuroughly enjoyed them. i'm not much of a clubber. i did, however, enjoy the company of old faces from GDYO/high school and the new friends in ginger's lil groupie. i don't think i'll ever go to another club, just cause it's not my style. i'd rather play sports, music, talk, or something.

As far as my spiritual life is concerned, i've been learning more about theology and philosophy and being busy rather than being a true "mary." i realize that the title of this page is "trying to be a mary in a martha world," but you just have to admit, it's hard, but i wasn't really trying this semester either. However, i learned much more about christian theology this semester. i guess that's always a plus.

It's always funny. throughout the day, i never really think about my Bible or praying until i lay myself to rest for the night. by then, i'm exhausted and not very in the mood to do either. Sometimes, i'll pray a short prayer for anything/anyone i'm thinking of at the moment, but i've probably only had about 2-3 long thoughtful times this academic year w/ Him. it's quite sad, come to think of it, but it beats the 0-1 times per academic year in high school.

God teach me to BE STILL AND KNOW

then again, i'm not an easy student.

however, it's been good. i have good grades. hopefully, i'll graduate summa cum laude. i hope cause it can all change. 3 years is a long time...anything can happen. i have wise mentors. well can't say that i have A mentor, but i have wise big brothers and sisters in journey career fellowship to help me out. and college group people are always kind.

hopefully i'll find a job for this summer while i'm taking classes at the community college. and hopefully i can go to chicago labor day weekend for annie's wedding. and hopefully i'll practice my viola diligently so i can be in the symphony next semester.

*sigh*

curious for truth II: either it is or it isn't

2005-04-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

today in gov't i learned that true speech is protected, and this provoked the thought of truth itself

now, either evolution is true or creationism is true. it can only be one of the two. it definately can't be both since they contradict each other almost. so, which of these speeches is protected?

then some don't believe that heaven/hell exists. some will ask a question, and the response may be, "well it depends on if they believe there's a heaven/hell or not." heaven/hell can't just exist in someone's head. it has to truly exist or not. the thought that any belief is okay is so weird. one of all those beliefs HAS to be true. it's kinda like those multiple guess questions at school where they say "all the following are false EXCEPT..." i tend to go for the one that looks the most different of all. and i must say of all the beliefs, Christianity sorta sticks out (i'm not saying this is totally the reason why you should believe that Christianity is the true belief).

People these days don't make sense. "oh it's okay what you believe as long as you believe something." what if they're believing something fake? is it still okay? some people are sheding new ideas because the "old" ones don't appeal to people any more. "people need something new to believe in." well geez....how about the truth? not something made up by human minds. we tend not to be the most reliable source of truth.

does truth have to be something that is compatible with you? i'm sure some people don't like brussel sprouts, but the fact that they are good for you is irrefraggable. i'm sure some know that the derivative of e^x is still e^x, and they still have no clue how to prove it, but they accept it anyways because some sage math teacher said it was true and showed it was true. now even if they did prove it, that doesn't mean the students still totally understand it. Christianity is pretty much the same as these.

i think people just need to be curious. we should be praying for their quest for truth.

catholicism v protestantism

2005-04-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

for a while, my views of "saved by grace through faith" were sorta faulty. i honestly didn't see much of a difference between "taking advantage of God's grace" and "saved by grace through faith alone." now that didn't mean i went and did all these horrible things like drugs and stuff. and because of this, i had a hard time trying to make sense of it all when my catholics friends would educate me on their beliefs.

i was talking to a friend of mine online, and he was telling me some things within the roman catholic doctrine. when he showed me the verse James 2:14, i had no clue how to bring a protestant view into it. prolly because i was a sophmore in high school and wasn't well educated in christian doctrine and theology until senior year. but no excuse nonetheless.

the problem i have w/ roman catholic doctrine is that many of things they do are mere traditions made by the church. confessions are based on James 2:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." and so by interpretation of the roman catholic church, they mandated that a "righteous man" was someone who devoted their life to the "religous order" (meaning priests and popes, bishops and such).

what confuses me is how do we know these priests are "righteous"? lately i've been seeing news reports of priests molesting children. how is this priest any more righteous than the layman working in a homeless ministry or the missionary in a foreign country? how does the catholic church have the authority to interpret the definitions of a 'righteous man'?

this same friend told me that there was this verse that he couldn't remember where but it was Jesus "breathing" on his disciples saying "whatever sins you forgive will be forgiven, whatever sins you retain will be retained." i searched biblegateway.com for this verse and have not successfully found it. however, he said that it is because of this verse that church clergy had the "authority" to forgive other's sins. he says that priests are intercessors b/w you and Jesus.

the roman catholic church is filled with legalism. In Martin Luther's time, the church did not have enough money to build a new building, so they used the idea of indulgences. basically these things were "prayers" that you paid for. this isn't necessarily biblical....if at all. this brought Luther to defy the workings of the catholic church. Another is prayer to the saints and mary. they say things such as totus tuu (totally yours, i believe) to mary. this to me is also blasphemous. why? if you are totally mary's, then what is Jesus to you?

also, the protestant definition of "grace through faith" differs from the roman catholic version. protestants say that we are saved by grace through faith and that if you do more works than your fellow brother, that doesn't put you in more favor with God but no less. We are still to follow God's precepts because it is the right thing, and because of our faith, we have this conscience to do the right thing (Holy Spirit). Roman Catholics on the other hand say, yes, we are saved by grace through faith but works is a very important issue. i could do all the good works and follow his laws to the letter and having faith in him at the same time, but i am not 100% sure that God will allow me into fellowship with Him after i die.

i find so many things wrong with roman catholic doctrine. i don't know if this is correct, but i've been hearing that the Roman Catholic church may mandate that whatever faith you have, no matter, you will still have a chance at heaven. maybe i'm wrong and they are just mere rumors.

the only problem i have with the protestant church is the fact that people take this "grace through faith" in a wrong light, and do whatever they want, good and bad. honestly, it'd be nice if our faith were a works based faith, because that way we'd actually do the right things because people nowadays are just taking God's grace for granted. but there wouldn't be assurance of salvation, and that's scary.

i think i might have more to add later.

change them...then KILL 'em

2005-04-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

your first task is to be dissatisfied with yourself, to fight sin, and to transform yourself into somethig better. The second task is to put up with the trials and temptations of this world that will be brought on by the change in your life and to persevere to the very end in the midst of these things. ~ St. Augustine

Human desires are complete opposite to God's desires.

First i must CHANGE my desires.

there are some things that i'd like to change. like my desire for frivolous things such as entertainment, junk food, internet activities, etc.

Colossians 3:1-5

¹Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

v1 Change my desires to things above and this will lead to...
v2 a change in my thoughts that will be on things above and this will lead to a ...
v4 change in my actions because Christ appears in my life

and the clencher..

⁵Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

i must KILL my earthly desires...

there are things that i want to get rid of, but at the same time i'm clutching on to them. If i want to set my mind on eternal things above, i have to deny myself.....this isn't easy

ggaahh!!! iono why i keep telling myself that this shouldn't be hard...it's supposed to be! i shall fight! let's just hope and pray it's conquered.

i want to know You, but i find myself in the same place again....complacent

teaching and the family II

2005-04-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

everyone that has a blog seems to like to do these part series. every blog that i've seen (maybe for the exception of one or two) has some sort of entry and then couple days following has a part II then a part III. here's my part I

anyways...

i am taking a class at school called "parenting diverse." apparently, UNT thinks that teachers are going to have to "parent" their students (or something like that). so we talk about things like corporal punishment, bottle v. breast feeding, daycare v. no daycare, nature v. nurture, etc.

all was pretty interesting and new to me, but there was one that sort of stood out.

corporal punishment

my parents used it on me, and i seem fine, but apparently, this sort of punishment carries negative influences contrary to popular thinking, esp among asain cultures. asain cultures usually uses guilt to get their children to "think right." but corporal punishment is a very common form. i even read in the Plano ISD handbook that teachers can use corporal punishment if deemed necessary.

My professor said that studies show that instead of getting the kid to do what is right, it only reinforces violent behavior. it actually kinda makes sense to me because i greet my fellow friends with a friendly punch on the shoulder and i enjoy things like tae bo. while that previous sentence was true, it was sort of sarcastic.

i suppose as a trend, people who have been punished by spanking are more violent. as an alternative, my professor said to ground them. take some privelege away from them. this to me does not make sense. they will know after a certain amount of time that this privelege will come back to them, and they will have learned nothing. at least in my opinion. if my parents took TV away from me, it would have been pretty bad for the first few days and then i would've have gotten used to it, and not cared for what i did was wrong or not. and since i didn't have many friends as a kid after i moved from chicago, grounding me from a social life did nothing.

maybe i'm a weird child??

iono....i don't really think i learn a lot from punishment from my parents. someone on the outside has to rebuke me. if i did something wrong, i expect a yelling from my parents. i don't expect it from someone elses, nor do i expect it from a friend or something, therefore shaming me more than if my parents had rebuked me. my motivation for wanting good grades was the people i was around. i didn' t want to shame myself when people who were "not as smart" as me would get better grades than me. it was pretty much a pride thing back then for the most part. now it's more like, i don't wanna waste my college money....

hopefully God will lead me to do the right thing when it comes to instructing my kids someday.

Curious for Truth

2005-04-06T12:59:00.000-07:00

I'm always confused about those that deny Christ as the Savior for our sins.

I know many, and they utterly refuse to believe, mostly because of the poor example of many believers. yet, they're not even curious about such claims.

that fact that we claim that Jesus ROSE FROM THE DEAD is actually a very very interesting and thought-provoking claim. However, those that don't believe such claims, aren't even the least bit curious as to why we believe such things. they try to rationalize things in this world with their minds and with their own thoughts.

My non-believing friends are not the least bit curious, nor do i find them seeking "truth" at all. It seems that they think they've already found truth, but they all looked for truth within themselves.

When doing research, people who conduct their research always conclude their results using data they received from other sources other than themselves. Discovering truth is a research project. People go to Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, etc. to find truth. One cannot just go and finally discover truth within themselves, and only using themselves as a resource. However, i suppose they did use society as a whole, but that is just only one resource.

People say things like, "I've already looked into Christianity, and found it wasn't right for me." here are some possibilities that may make someone come to that conclusion 1) they never looked hard enough and never was curious enough and came to that conclusion after a short period of time just by looking at the people within the church 2) they never even tried 3) They don't understand, and they're not seeking understanding 4) don't want to give up their life 5) God maybe did not choose them

People are always going toward beliefs that they like. not what is necessarily truth. "oh i like this, i'll believe in this." to me, that is hardly any basis to prove those as true.

I hope and pray that the people of this world will actually possess a curiosity for the Christian faith, to try to know everything about it, to understand why we believe it to be absolute truth.

and to be fair, i, too, am trying to know all there is to know about other faiths. but as i learned about the basic beliefs all other faiths in high school, they depend on the flesh for salvation. flesh is impure and unperfect. We depend on a risen and alive Lord and God.

since everyone else is...

2005-04-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

i guess i'll jump in the bandwagon on this one.

pope john paul II

good works and such are credited to him, yet i can't help but think that anyone else is capable of such things. he was no doubt influential in some policy makings, yet there is one thing about him that irks me. his tolerance

if i were able to have a conversation with him now, i'd ask him about his thoughts on absolute truth. yea, he believed in all those good moral things, yet were they just for the catholic church, or were they for the whole world. did he truly believe that christianity was the only true faith of all other faiths?

people would say that the pope got them to be more spiritual or religious. a american jewish conductor of a polish orchestra said something along the lines of "he didn't care which faith i had, he just cared that i had one."

is that true? did this musician interpret his actions correctly?

he did, however, seem to care for the lost. for some reason he'd show the Jews and the Muslims that Christians aren't all hateful. which seems to be the reoccuring theme of beliefs among those who are not Christians. but did he really think they were lost...? i don't know

and then people seem to say that he has more "spirituality" than anyone in the world.... he's flesh and blood just like everyone else. He is no different than you and me. he still struggles with sin just like everyone else. It is only Jesus who was any different from the rest of the population. He's the only One that actually raised from the dead. Did the pope? well he's been dead since saturday...oh that's 3 days, still dead. He just had a title and nice clothes.

everyone is called to serve the Lord. whether it be at work, a mission field, or at a church. it doesn't matter, we've all been called to be disciples of Christ. doesn't anyone else find it funny that Jesus chose common men to be his disciples? why then, can't the common man, with the work of the Holy Spirit, interpret God's word? why does it have to be some pope? What, then, is the use of the Holy Spirit within us?

although, it truly seemed he loved the people, but his tolerance irks me

there's a difference b/w tolerance and respect. tolerance is when absolute truth means nothing to you. respect means absolute truth is existent, yet you love and care for them regardless of their race, sex, or creed..... well at least in my opinion. and yet i believe that many Christians are lacking in the respect department. The thing that got everyone confused about Jesus was His love. Why did He care for others in that way? Why would He care? we should do that same. There will always be people that make us mad and angry. I'm sure there were people just like that to Christ. Yet, for some reason, He still loved them. Love your enemies. not easy, but commanded.

and now, i read things that say that the catholic church now wants a pope that for birth control and marriage in the priesthood. i guess a more "hip" pope.... i have no problem with the latter, but it's the former that makes me a bit concerned.

iono..whatever happened to absolute truth?

worshipping in prayer

2005-03-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

lately i've been neglecting my QT's

not cool

but i guess the cool thing is that once i start back up, "My Utmost for His Highest" always has some sort of piercing devotional for me to read..

this one for example

March 30

Holiness or Hardness Toward God?

He . . . wondered that there was no intercessor . . .
—Isaiah 59:16

The reason many of us stop praying and become hard toward God is that we only have an emotional interest in prayer. It sounds good to say that we pray, and we read books on prayer which tell us that prayer is beneficial—that our minds are quieted and our souls are uplifted when we pray. But Isaiah implied in this verse that God is amazed at such thoughts about prayer.

Worship and intercession must go together; one is impossible without the other. Intercession means raising ourselves up to the point of getting the mind of Christ regarding the person for whom we are praying (see Philippians 2:5 ). Instead of worshiping God, we recite speeches to God about how prayer is supposed to work. Are we worshiping God or disputing Him when we say, "But God, I just don’t see how you are going to do this"? This is a sure sign that we are not worshiping. When we lose sight of God, we become hard and dogmatic. We throw our petitions at His throne and dictate to Him what we want Him to do. We don’t worship God, nor do we seek to conform our minds to the mind of Christ. And if we are hard toward God, we will become hard toward other people.

Are we worshiping God in a way that will raise us up to where we can take hold of Him, having such intimate contact with Him that we know His mind about the ones for whom we pray? Are we living in a holy relationship with God, or have we become hard and dogmatic?

Do you find yourself thinking that there is no one interceding properly? Then be that person yourself. Be a person who worships God and lives in a holy relationship with Him. Get involved in the real work of intercession, remembering that it truly is work-work that demands all your energy, but work which has no hidden pitfalls. Preaching the gospel has its share of pitfalls, but intercessory prayer has none whatsoever.

prayer has always been a difficult task for me. I bring one issue to Him, and then all of sudden my mind wanders somewhere and once i get back on track my last thought was on something like the Mavs game, or something random like that that had nothing to do with the prayer i had previously lifted to the Lord.

*sigh*...

i gotta get to sleep now. gotta test tomorrow. i will continue this at a later time....

so back to it. intercession = worship? i never really thought of it that way..."Intercession means raising ourselves up to the point of getting the mind of Christ regarding the person for whom we are praying" hmm...i've always considered intercession to be just the latter part of the definition. and then again i'm not too sure what this means...."point of getting the mind of Christ regarding the person..." the syntax of it just confuses me.

well another general question...how does one overcome "spiritual ADD"? i've been combating it for a long time, and i have yet to have any sort of victory over it. have i prayed about it? yes, i have.

Dear Lord, when will i ever learn....?

too supportive?

2005-03-24T14:20:00.000-08:00

i went to a friend's concert yesterday at SMU. now i go to UNT which is about a 30-45 minute drive, and i don't have a car w/ me at school. so, i asked my dad to pick me up at school (about a 30 minute drive from home) and i'll take myself back to school w/ his car (b/c mom doesn't have to work today so they can pick up debbie from school).

this does sound a little bit complicating...

and that's why my mom said that i'm too supportive.

is that such a bad thing? what's wrong w/ going out of your way to hear a friend play at a concert he won from a competition? iono, if i were him, i'd want a friend like me

not that i'm being arrogant here, really.

i guess i want to model the type of friend that i want. i can only name 2 people that have went out of their way to listen to a concert just for me, and they are my previous sunday school teacher and his (now) wife who used to be my youth group counselor for a short amout of time.

i've been lacking one thing my whole life (well maybe except for my chicago days), a friend. and i'm not talking about like people i know more than just their name age and school. someone that i need and someone that needs me.

i thought at one point in time that God had provided one, but it proved wrong when this person broke a promise w/o an explanation, and even then i was blinded by the fact that i was no more special than this person's other friends.

i really need a friend that actually wants to spend a considerable amount of quality time with me. i have yet to figure out who that friend is.

i kinda feel like explorer walton from frankenstein....

teaching and the family

2005-03-22T18:29:00.000-08:00

my biggest fear as a prospective teacher (besides messing up) is the attitudes of the parents.

i guess i'm just afraid that parents aren't going to be involved in their kid's education, and then these same parents are going to blame me for not teaching their kid right because they're not progressing well. i suppose that it will be partly my fault, but i can't say that i am 100% responsible.

this is one reason why i believe that it is important that families be cohesive. parents/caretakers should be what we call "authoritative." high in control, yet also high in warmth and nurturance. most asain parents are authoritarian (high in control yet low in nuturance). most that i see these days in american households is a permissive style of parenting (esp on TV at times). low in control and high in nurturance. this is basically spoiling your kids, not discipline whatsoever, no quality time w/ their family, and it transfers to a school setting.

which brings me to my next point. i believe that the decrease in moral standards and the decrease in its importance to many in the world is due to the fact that the families aren't cohesive enough. parents aren't being reliable enough, so kids go to other sources for advice namely their friends who are their age and no nothing more than they do (or some trendy 20-30 year old that doesn't know the importance of family yet).

it all begins w/ the family. and that's why it's important we protect the family. kids don't know the diff. b/w right and wrong, and the older generation is not a good example of right and wrong either. and so, with that, we have a moral crisis on our hands now, and most of the population doesn't know it, in fact they believe they are right.

there is absolute truth in this world. it's not about what's right for you. that statement is too faulty.