undying love

on my way home, i decided to listen to grace to you with John MacArthur

his main topic was what the nature of faith was. he shared that through trials and temptations, God is not trying to make us prove our faith to Him, but rather our faith to ourselves, and that true saving faith would withstand any trial. he also shared that one of the things that characterizes our faith is our undying love for Him.

i have to say that my life is going well. i feel as though i have everything i need. nothing that i hold dear to has been taken away from me by force, and for some reason this leads me to feel God is going to do something just like that...something like denying me the opportunity to live and serve Him overseas longterm or taking away my family or taking away a dear friend. it feels like the "calm before the storm," if you will.

i'm still struggling with this. is this God's way of warning me that some life-altering, heart-breaking trial will come into my life? or is this Satan's way of saying "He gave you this desire to do this or this caring heart for your friends and family, but He's just going to take that away from you. why would He give you all these things only to take it away?"

i still don't know.

and yet after hearing MacArthur, i'm thinking to myself, no trial, no removal of all that i've ever cared for on earth should kill my faith in Christ or my undying love for Him.

so here is my prayer:

i have hopes, dreams, and desires, but if those hopes, dreams, and desires are not of you and will not come to fruition in my life, may i still bless your name

you have blessed me with a wonderful family who love you, but if you call them home, may i still bless your name

you have blessed me with great friends who will hold me accountable, but if you decide for them to no longer be in my life, may i still bless your name

because i love you