Hi! It's been a while since I've written on this little place in cyberspace.
I'm still in Taiwan, and it's been an interesting ride thus far.
But right now, it's 2:50 am, and I can't sleep, and i attribute this to the thought of certain people and their spiritual conditions...for which i am deeply concerned.
seeing as how anyone can access this site, i am not going to say as to who these people are, but these are people that i have known a long time and have been seeing on a regular basis (no, it's not my own family).
In my younger years, i did not know them very well, but nowadays, i'm able to spend more time with them.
Knowing that they have attended church for practically their entire lives has led me to believe that they would be a great source of spiritual encouragement for me. At first I was quite excited that I would be able to spend more time with them since they were so good to me when i was younger.
but the truth was so far from my expectations....
I have to say that I've never been so discouraged and disappointed in my life. i'm serious. i'm not easily disppointed, but this one has really done it.
Every time i see them i see evidence of their love affair with the world. their concerns lie in materialism. they wouldn't admit to it, but it's true. all i hear about are stocks, 401K's, money, investments. and when the bible or religion is entered into the conversation it is either awkward or some sort of negative comment is mentioned, like "why do people at church always have meetings?" "churches shouldn't dabble too much in politics!" I remember telling them my call to missions and the fact that if a certain man does not have the same calling, i don't think i would be able to accept him as a potential mate. i could sense disappointment and worry in their eyes. i remember one of them was trying to tell me that i could still serve God by serving my husband if he were an engineer or businessman....while that's true, at this point in my life, God's more important than a husband right now, and if this man is anything like this person, i would reject him in a heartbeat. i also remember another one telling me that my parents should go to China to be missionaries because they'd be more successful there...when ministry has nothing to do with my parents' success. i don't see them serving in the church either.
every time i leave their house to go back to mine, i would stay up late that night just thinking about them and how depraved they are, but how helpless i am to show them the way. they're older than me, much older. one of them is older than my own parents. but sometimes, every part of me wants to yell at the top of my lungs "STOP!!! WHY ARE YOU LIVING LIKE THIS?!" every part of me wants to reprimand them. "GOD DOESN'T JUST WANT YOUR MONEY! GOD DOESN'T JUST WANT YOUR SUNDAY MORNINGS! HE WANTS YOU! YOU! YOU!"
but i can't. it's not my place. i wrote this on facebook couple weeks ago.
i'm starting to realize that i expect certain things out of people in relation to their background (who doesn't?). but when these people are VERY FAR from meeting those expectations, i get quite judgmental. why aren't they what i pictured them to be like? why don't they treasure this aspect of their life?
okay, i'm mainly talking about Christians, and i know that there's an amount of grace that goes along with it, but really, just how much grace do i give to someone who has gone to church for maybe his whole entire life and cares more about his job and money than the lost people who need Jesus? his childrens' grades and reputation than their own spiritual lives? people who seem to care more about the going ons of the world than living their life for eternity? who thinks serving in the church is a waste of time? who don't seem to strive for Christ-likeness?
and God reminds me....my grace is sufficient for you, and for them. they may not love me, but i do. they may not treasure me, but they are precious to me. they may be stubborn and want their way, but that's not your battle to fight, cindy. let me lead you. let me show you what it means to love others like i do.
I know my love for Jesus isn't perfect either. it's something i need to work on too.
and yet I'M STILL PRIDEFUL! yet i still judge them. yet i still want to yell at them in contempt and tell them that their wasting their lives away.
oh Lord teach me....